With Mike O’Brien touring Ireland , Andy Swanson possibly abducted, Scotty Shaw following the Solar Eclipse in South Carolina and Don St George missing, the Doctor was given a guaranteed trip to the final four, mathematically out of the reach of 5th place
The Doctor
Art Czachorowski. However, after a lackluster performance at Buena earlier in the month, VEGAS saw a drop in confidence among the fan base at the Polish American Tavern. The old guard pontificated that LZ had peaked too early and was entering a downward spiral with no chance to be competitive in the finals. He was paired with Tour Champion Rob Juliano, who needed to win Ocean Acres ,for the second consecutive year, to keep his final four hopes alive, with either Bohan or Hamm faltering. Unfortunately, Rob was watching Lazarchick and “experiencing the illusion” that he was doing terrible. LZ came out of the gate on fire. After 4 he led the field in gross score at one under par looking stronger than ever. After 9 he was beating both Marc Bohan and Roger Read, by three strokes placing a 40 on the Scorecard. Rob did not realize that his own 44 put him ahead of all the “low” handicappers. Yeah, he “was” on track for a second place finish.
At the Italian Bistro the fans were delirious. Big Charlie was on and Rob was making them believe. Charlie threw a dart at the Closest to the Pin for Points and finished in 3rd place getting one point less than LZ for the tournament. He cemented his spot in the final four and did so with gusto breaking Jeff Spickler’s record for second most points ever achieved in a season. With the record broken, the Amish Shops in Lancaster immediately put their remaining hand made Jeff Spickler bobble head dolls on sales.
Bruno asked the Godfather is there was any truth about the talk that Mama Gina put the Malocchio on Glenn Hamm. Indeed, they were watching him suffer through an 11 on the 11th hole on his way to last place finish on the day. The Godfather was drinking a Bellini, made from fresh peach puree, following the recipe of his close friends, the Cipriani family. Bruno was upset because people in the streets could hear the boisterous Stanislaw inside the Polish American Tavern calling Rob a Whiner, “Look at him crying, jabbing at Lazarchick, saying his handicap needs to be down with Bohan’s.” The Godfather smiled and told Bruno it’s just banter, and at this level that the real game is in the head. Indeed, Rob was at the 11th tee and blasted a booming drive, but his swing was just enough ahead of his body to send the ball left, into the water way down the coastline. Mumbling to Lazarchick that Bohan and Hamm aren’t doing this, he repeated the very same drive. Ironically, his fifth shot was an iron that easily cleared the water straight across to the far edge of the fairway. It ended in a disappointing eight that let others back in the game and 2nd place faded. While Bruno was asking why Rob did not play more conservatively with such an early lead, the Godfather’s attention was drawn to a news bulletin about Marc Bohan.
Apparently, during the tournament, Mia Bohan was seen with her computer and it was suggested that with Google Earth, Marc was getting first hand knowledge about what every other player was doing. Did he see the frustration on the face of Roger when his ball picked up mud? How about Charlie, finding his ball behind a patch of crabgrass in the middle of the fairway? Jacques at La Petite Café was complaining that the course seemed a little pricey for the conditions, but led accolades each time Marc delivered a sweet swing. Old François took the opportunity to tell everyone how spoiled were these current OCAGA Tour player, wanting to rake traps and play on the smoothest of surfaces. He told them when Marc’s Dad John (1972 OCAGA Champion) was Mia’s age, the courses were not so manicured. He learned to play on every course under all conditions.
The Doctor seemed way too impervious to course maladies. After a double bogey on 1, it took Marc thirteen holes to catch the him in gross score. He immediately dropped a stroke on the next hole. But, with a Birdie on 15 while LZ stumbled with a double bogey, he moved ahead by two, still 5 behind by handicap. At the Tavern they were convinced that Marc knew where everybody else was. At the Petite Cafe they felt Marc could actually pick up 5 strokes in the last three holes considering how many times the Doctor has failed late in tournaments. Not on this day! They finished tied with a low gross 84 and Bohan settled for second place.
LAZARCHICK SETS NEW RECORD
The Investigative Reporter was granted an exclusive interview with the Doctor. After being caught by O’Brien at Centerton and losing the next time they met in a practice round at Mays Landing, LZ admitted it was a good thing OB went to Ireland. When asked if he helped contribute funds, an uproar from the fans at the Tavern shouted at the reporter to look at the Beer money, who really benefits the most and who now owns Hamms! *
Of course LZ was questioned about setting a new point record. He told the story that Phil Stocker and Jeff Spickler both broke the point record back in 2008 making the final four with 147 points and 131 respectively, with one tournament to go. “Neither would reach the 164 points I have reached, so yes, I guess it is a new record. I have already played the number of tournaments they played during 2008. Back then the Tour had ten more active players so playing poorly could result in a 5 point round. I am honored to be in a conversation mentioning both of them. Phil won the title, back to back, in 08 and 09 back in the days when he could out drive most of the field with a 7 wood!” Phil beat out Rob Juliano by one stroke to finish Ocean Acres in 4th place. Jeffrey is a favorite son at the Schnitzel Haus. While not known for beer drinking, supposedly he missed the Acres because of a Sunday morning Sausage Eating contest.
GIRL SCOUTS IN WEIRD RITUAL?
Andy Swanson was not at the last tournament. Was he abducted by the Girl Scouts? It cannot 
be confirmed that Rich Antczak, who has not made a Tour Event this Season, has been their prisoner all year, held blind folded and subjected to obsessive adulation practices. Supposedly, the story of a weird ritual emerged, in which the girls achieve euphoric states of consciousness. Again supposedly, these happening may be related to the investigation of Don St George’s mysterious disappearance. Do you remember the “puff of his hair?” Is it possible that the scouts learned about Hoodoo? Could this picture possibly be of the ritual? It was not authenticated at press time and since we are not Fake News, the Investigative Reporter is searching for the truth. Is this the same story on Fox News?
WITH ONE TO GO – Art Czachorowski and Rob Juliano are technically still fighting for the coveted fourth position in the FINAL FOUR. In the unlikely event that Glenn Hamm finishes last again, he would still earn 9 or more points depending upon the number in the field, for a final number of at least 136. Both Art and Rob can catch a “total meltdown,” however they would need to knock off the Lazarchick, Ranucci, Bohan Juggernaut and finish at the top, preferably 1st or 2nd ! VEGAS has Glenn at 10 – 1 to make the finals and the 4 Time Champion is Even Money to make it 5 on Championship Sunday.
- 164 Lazarchick, Mike IN
- 150 Ranucci, Charlie IN
- 137 Bohan, Marc IN
- 127 Hamm, Glenn Very Hard to Catch
- Still in the Hunt
- 118 Czachorowski, A Never Count Out the 5 Time Champion
- 115 Juliano, Rob Is the Current Tour Champion
- Missed Tournaments
- 99 Read, Roger Mathematically Out
- 89 Shaw, Scott
- 87 Buechner, John
- 75 O’Brien, Mike
- 72 Borillo, Ed
- 67 Swanson, Andy
- 66 Stocker, Phil
- 42 St George, Don
SCATS Lazarchick, Ranucci & Bohan take home the big bucks!
NEXT : AVALON
Ocean City Amateur Golf Association 