Big Charlie Challenged by Little Andy

At the Italian Bistro, Bruno was lamenting, still feeling pain wondering why Charlie did not play as well in the title match last season.  With scorn, Bruno accused the Doctor of trying to impress new member Dave Kissinger and laughed when he saw LZ  in a dogfight with Don St George and Fast Eddie Borillo. Of course, by the end he was elated.  Charlie Ranucci, on fire in the Chilly Vineyards opener, posted the low gross of the day (84) on the Scorecard. The Godfather, sipping Disaronno Originale , bought a round for he patrons and raised his glass in a toast to Big Charlie. On the Bistro Wall of Fame, hangs the Classic Ranucci Swanson Faceoff Picture.

After 4 Bohan was leading by 1 in gross score over Lazarchick. St George and Shaw were one more back and Charlie was fifth another stroke off the pace. When Bohan withdrew, Lazarchick took the lead. On the sixth hole Charlie caught LZ, while Don and Scotty began a steady fall off the pace. On 7 Charlie took the lead and never looked back.  As he delivered 7 pars and a birdie,  the Bistro crowd became more boisterous. It was all about Charlie Ranucci. easily winning by 5 strokes over Tour Champion Mike Lazarchick, the only other player to break 90.

Don St George mysteriously returned and took third place.  When Don disappeared after the Pinelands tournament, strongly in second place early in the 2017 season, the St George Greek Orthodox Cathederal purportedly offered a reward for his return. Speculations included abduction by a group of sex crazed teenagers using Don as their Toy.  The St George Police Department was following “Hot” leads up until opening day.  Everyone certainly remembers the picture posted on the St George Police Department’s Facebook Page under Missing Persons (right).  The Investigative Reporter was not able to determine where Don was, but did witness a continence of gloating and licking of chops with the posting of his “new” handicap in the return to a traditional OCAGA Handicap system.

Mike O’Brien was fourth and Eddie Borillo was fifth prompting an immediate protest from La Petite Café by Jacque complaining that the Top Five hit the ball too straight, too often and are too good to be playing from the Senior Tees.

Opening Day traditionally generates higher scores as rust drips off tour players. A significant wind chill factor was problematic. Indeed Art Czachorowski was in the process of postponing the tournament with early reports of significant snow.  Fortunately, new President Rob Juliano intervened, with the assistance of new starter Glen Hamm, shifting the decision to the membership at the course on opening day.

Paul Bunyon Ruth Trading Card

Everybody showed and the game was on. Paul Ruth returned to the OCAGA Tour, hungry for SCATS, after a several year hiatus. There was an unconfirmed report he was playing in Asia and because of his relative size acquired the nickname Paul Bunyon, indeed Children are Collecting Paul Bunyon Ruth trading cards already highly valuable in the marketplace.  With Glen Chabotar still out on Injured Reserve (Knee Replacement),  the door is wide open for Paul to make the Big Bucks in Handicap SCATS.

Dave Kissinger is joining the Tour and Vegus* has him at one to ten odds to win Rookie of the Year. After a disastrous start,  12 over par on the first three holes, Dave settled in and by the back nine he was hitting beautiful drives down the middle of the fairway and very nice approach shots to the green.

Andy Swanson, a pre-tournament favorite sporting a 31 handicap, unfortunately played like a 31 handicap finishing well off the pace, 21 strokes more than Charlie! Phil Stocker, also predicted to be in the money, boasting of scores in the mid 80s in recent weeks, came in a shot shy of 100.  Indeed, the vast majority of the field did not break 95, which is actually not all that unusual for opening day. Seemed like most everyone missed from all different distances and sinking putts on greens still recovering from late winter aeration was more luck than skill.  Marc Bohan was in exquisite form, 1 over par after 4, but had to withdraw because he did not ensure that Mia was dressed appropriately for the blustery cold wind.

Purportedly, John Buechner, watching the tournament live from South Carolina on Google Earth, was accosted by a sports reporter. He was asked if it was appropriate for Glenn Hamm to put himself in a foursome out first, ahead of a threesome. When a follow up question was about the starting fiasco of the Final Four last season, being the first in history to not go off first, because of threesomes, John redirected to a heated protest on the main “Bar” Promenade. Girl scouts were marching against a complaint lodged against Andy Swanson for displaying poor Golf Etiquette.  When Marc Bohan withdrew only Rob Juliano and Scotty Shaw were left in the second group. Despite both hitting more strokes than usual, apparently they were repeatedly waiting hole after hole, disrupting tempo to say the least. The complaint originated from a “mixed” group from The Polish American Tavern and the English Pub after hearing numerous slurs from two intoxicated Hamm’s Brewery patrons in the gallery, “Where’s da Etiquette? Let um play trough!”  Czak’s name was removed from the original complaint after negotiations because of legendary status in the Tavern. Roger’s name was removed because of the politically connected Earl of Sussex made a donation in Roger’s name to the Pub.  Glenn’s name was removed because Hamm’s Beer suggest they may become an OCAGA sponsor. Apparently, no one was defending Andy because Swanson’s Health Products stock dropped dramatically after his performance and prior to the march, the girl scouts were consumed with efforts to get “Richie, Richie, he’s too cute” Antczak,  back on the Tour.

SCATS    Ranucci Big Winner

*Vegus is a subsidiary of Sanctuary Publication, Publisher of the  OCAGA Blog. OCAGA Newsblog is not responsible for misrepresented factual information or mistaks made by the editorial staff.

Of course One Day does not make a season and NEXT:

AVALON   May 6^th          Check Out those Handicaps. Low Handicappers Bohan and Lazarchick are given up significant strokes!