Ocean City Amateur Golf Association

The day was beautiful and Shore Gate was in exquisite condition. Unlike many past years when only a handful appeared for the last tournament, all tour player showed along with several guests, all except Bleeding Green Mike O’Brien.  Out of the Gate Michael Lazarchick sent a booming drive down the fairway, followed by a sweet iron dropping the ball three feet from the cup for an easy opening Birdie.  But the Doctor and all others would find such play very unusual on the most difficult challenge of the season. Only Marc Bohan, sporting a 12 Handicap, was able to break 90, just barely, uncharacteristically posting 2 sevens and 3 sixes on the Scorecard.  Dave Kissinger so impressive climbing into a first place tie for the point lead with one to go, became the first player in modern day OCAGA history to not make the finals. Only four could post in the nineties while eleven suffered a 100 plus event. Those with the most meticulous putting strokes were rewarded on fast and true greens. Placing the ball in the fairways and avoiding a myriad of hazards required considerable precision and course management was at a premium. Extricating oneself from dicey situations was quite common and errant attempts delivered scores of scores like 7,  8, 9, 10 up to a 13 on a hole.

Milt Nicholas had flirted with the final four all season and knew he had to step it up to catch and out duel the league’s most accomplished competitors. Indeed head to head, he bested both March Bohan and Charlie Ranucci on the front, cashing in a sweet 43. He had Marc by 1 and Charlie by 4 at the turn.   He had erased the 11 strokes he was giving Paul Ruth the highest Handicapper at 36, a clear and dangerous threat. He was ahead of Scotty Shaw and Art Czachorowski.  Lazarchick was coughing, struggling to concentrate and racking up some big numbers.

Marc Bohan would catch Milt in gross score on the 12^th hole and Charlie would also pass him on 15, too little too late. On the 14^th Hole Milt Nicholas dropped a dart closest to the hole, the hole that delivered the bonus 3 points. He was tired but clearly in command. He edged out Charlie Ranucci for the victory and bested the high handicappers Sweiderk, Ruth  and Stocker, all delivering respectable performances. While not close enough for the final four, they were spoilers for Marc, Scotty and Art, not getting enough points to compete with the new Top Two.

Milt Nicholas finished the regular season in first place with 110 points, just 2 ahead of Charlie Ranucci. Scotty Shaw held in, dropping down to  3^rd position at 106 and Marc Bohan earned a return visit to the Championship with 100 points.

The Final Four will lead off the tournament on Championship Sunday, playing by USGA Rules. The remainder of the Tour will pair the highest handicap player with the lowest, moving towards the center, to play in the Hanko Memorial Tournament. The two man teams will play 6 holes best ball, 6 holes alternate strokes and 6 holes scramble delivering one score per team.

Following the tournament President Rob Juliano delivered perhaps the most energetic of all time, traditional regular season ending Press Conference. He lavished praise on Art Czachorowski, for his work managing the treasury and scheduling of tournaments in a season full of unfortunate weather. He lavished praise on Michael Lazarchick calling him the best Secretary in modern OCAGA History, collecting data, serving membership requests and contacting the OCAGA Press when any questionable news was reported. Rob personally thanked Scotty Shaw for his guidance as past president and started a clapping accolade for a remarkable Starter/SCATS Performance replacing legendary John Buechner, which brought a tear to Glenn Hamm’s eye.  He ended his oratory, humbly, saying with a soft voice, “ I am  just a regular guy who promised transparency and an exciting competitive season,” which elicited thundering Cheers of Approval.

NEXT:  CHAMPIONSHIP SUNDAY   GREATE BAY COUNTRY CLUB  October 14th    10:00 AM

Rob Juliano is now challenging in popularity the Beloved Scotty Shaw, considered by most to be the Greatest President in OCAGA Tour History. With rumors of cloud seeding circulating by entities that want to destroy the OCAGA Tour, Juliano has increased the Fan Base by orchestrating the most competitive Season Ever.

With one to play the Championship Quartet is still too close to call. Only the bottom four point gathers have been mathematically eliminated from the Final Four. Scotty Shaw and Dave Kissinger are guaranteed 97 points if they show for the finale at Shore Gate and finish last. If that happens, Paul Ruth (carrying a 36 Handicap into the Tournament) and everybody ahead of Paul can actually win the regular season point title.  WOW!

Realistically, Scotty  and Dave ( probably need only middle of the pack performances to get in, 10 full points ahead of Milt Nicholas in  5^th place and 12 ahead of Lazarchick in 6^th place.  Never have the top 2 with 1 to go failed to make it into the Championship, yet never have they been even close to this vulnerable.

Glenn Hamm and Charlie Ranucci are far less secure with Nicholas and Lazarchick well within striking distance. Art Czachorowski and Marc Bohan need to beat as many of the top 6 as possible, with  Hamm, Ranucci, Nicholas and Lazarchick being the most important targets. Roger Read and Paul Ruth are certainly capable of posting a low score and leapfrogging the pack. Ed Borillo, Don St George and Rob Juliano  all have a not quite so dull, Slight Glimmer of Hope.

The course is listed as a significant challenge, the toughest supposedly on the tour this season, but there are significant handicaps evening the playing field!

NEXT:   SHORE GATE            Virtual Tour

Jeff Spickler set an OCAGA Tour Record winning his third Tournament in the Same Season back in 2007, the last time the Tour played Shoregate.

Shore Gate Golf Club opened in 2002 to rave reviews and has maintained its first-rate standards ever since. It is the only golf course at the Jersey Shore to have been named to both Golf Digest and Golf Magazine’s list of best new public golf courses in the United States. It was recently ranked as New Jersey’s number four public golf course by Golf Digest in the magazine’s biennial Best in State rankings for 2009-2010.

The golf course is a true test for any skill level. Often referred to as a “thinking man’s golf course,” it featured forced carries, pinpoint accuracy, length, and of course, the numerous water hazards. If that isn’t enough, there are undulating fairways, large waste areas, plenty of fescue and dramatic bunkering. You will likely use most of the clubs in your bag when you play the course.

“This course poses a challenge for even the most skilled players,” says architect Ron Fream, “However if played from the right set of tees, Shore Gate Golf Course is very playable for golfers of all levels.”  ~ Shore Gate Articles

Glenn Hamm was dominate at Mays Landing sending chills throughout the OCAGA Tour. The four time Champion, now third in the overall standings, is once again threatening to be in position to tie living legend Art Czachorowski’s record of FIVE TITLES.  Hamm, won in his Rookie Year, beating 2^nd place finisher and heavy favorite Michael Lazarchick by four strokes back in 2005. He won again in 2009. Then in 2012 & 13 he looked invincible with very impressive back to back victories.  His talented son David was on the tour and there was talk about Dynasty. One of the biggest conundrums in OCAGA Tour History is whether or not Glenn actually performed the log rolling stunt featured in this Vintage Hamm’s Beer Commercial.  Regardless, he is undoubtedly headed for the Golf Hall of Fame. This year, Hamm’s Brewery is already advertising final four play against Dave Kissinger, the 2018 Rookie Phenomena and even offers a teaser including  Milt Nicholas, the other Rookie Sensation.  At the Brewery, employees were giddy with delight, reveling with the words, “You cannot invent a more exciting story!”

Out of the gate the Scorecard showed, Kissinger and Czachorowski  were tied after 2, taking a stroke lead in raw score over Hamm and Shaw. The battle was on! Despite less than ideal conditions on a short, but “beat up” Mays Landing Track, Hamm and Shaw delivered effort that challenged Marc Bohan’s low gross of 80, featuring 8 Pars and 2 Birdies.  Shaw dropped 6 Pars and a Birdie. Glenn found Par 7 times.  Rookies Dave Kissinger dropped 5 for Par and Milt Nicholas, challenging for Rookie of the Year Recognition, Dropped a Birdie along with 5 for Par.

The Front 9 was a Blazing Hot Battle. In Gross Score Marc Bohan delivered a 39, well behind the leaders, giving serious numbers of handicap strokes.   Art Czachorowski was in great shape with a 41. Hamm, Nicholas and Shaw were all at 43. Dave Kissinger was leading the tournament with a 44, holder of a hefty handicap.

Shaw opened the back with a Birdie and remained very strong and posted a 39, envisioning a victory. But Glenn, equally able to launch big bombs in play and sporting a slightly higher handicap, delivered his own version of an impressive short game, posting a 41.  A slew of contenders felt enormous pressure. Don St George and Eddie Borillo had climbed into contention. The excitement was electric and the tournament was decided dramatically, on the last four holes.

Milt Nicholas limped in 8 over par in that stretch.  Dave Kissinger finally played near his handicap, with a 7 over par.  Don St George was 6 over. Rob Juliano was 5 over. Eddie Borillo was 4 over. Bohan and Shaw were three over. Czak was 2 over. Glenn Hamm was 1 over par those closing holes and that was the difference! Glen squeaked by Scotty and Dave by 2 strokes. Art Czachorowski, Rob Juliano, Ed Borillo and Don St George were another stroke off the pace, then Marc and Milt , one and two more.

Rob Juliano’s approval rating is skyrocketing. Promising Transparency and distancing himself from all prior administrations and the rest of the officers in his Administration, he stated unequivocally that he did not appoint the Treasurer, Secretary or Head Starter. Rob asked everyone to focus on the greatest competition in OCAGA modern history not rumors and unsavory discussions on the promenade by disgruntled Fans. Apparently, a

WHERE IS JOHN BUECHNER WHEN YOU NEED HIM

variety of “Lift Clean and Place From Tree Line to Tree Line” interpretations happened during the tournament and a free “drop” off rocks, which some say became “move to the best possible place in the woods and place the ball gently to ensure the best possible lie with no trees blocking your approach to the green.” Supposedly not everyone was even aware of what had been discussed and the inevitable quip was heard that, “Not everyone was playing the same game.”  Yes, a  “Where is John Buechner When You Need Him Sign”  appeared.

John is often mentioned as the greatest handicapper/starter of all time. The only complaint was how he managed to personally never drop below 30 and win so much money playing side games of Wolf using the Buechner Rules.

Of course, Pierre at Le Petite Café, shrugged his shoulders. Marc hit the ball beautifully and needed no help by ignoring golf rules and penalty strokes.   When Jacque asked, he did not know if Rob was using Equitable Stroke Control in his handicap calculation system. While Marc rarely scored more than double bogey, some of the high handicappers easily could reach 8, 9 or 10 or more strokes and using ESC system would theoretically move handicaps closer together.

Points with 3 to Go   EVERYONE IS STILL IN THE RACE FOR THE FINAL FOUR

• 92 Kissinger, Dave            Still has a high handicap with game improving
• 92 Shaw, Scotty                Getting stronger with each tournament
• 87 Hamm, Glenn              Steadily and Slowly Climbing
• 85 Ranucci, Charlie          Slight Trend Downward
• 82 Nicholas, Milt              Hanging Around
• 79 Lazarchick, Michael    Losing Ground with Bohan Effect
• 75 Czachorowski, Art       Always Dangerous if he comes to tournaments
• 75 Bohan, Marc                Needs to Break 80
• 73 Read, Roger                 Capable of delivering a really low score
• 73 Ruth, Paul                     Skipped a Tournament and is Still Very much in contention
• 71 Borillo, Ed                     Too Good carrying a High Handicap
• 71 St George, Don            Shaker and a Mover
• 70 Juliano, Rob                 Finally showing potential
• 62 O’Brien, Mike              Steady down the middle capable of scoring really well
• 53 Swanson, Andy           Big handicap, but must come to win league tournaments
• 50 Stocker, Phil                Significant Handicap. Wins with Slow swing and positive thoughts
• 47 Sweiderk, Bob             Very Capable and Handicap has climbed Pretty high

SCATS

Borillo, Nicholas and St George Handicap Winners. Bohan Picks Pockets in Scratch.

NEXT BACK TO AVALON

The Godfather was beaming. Rob Juliano was President. Business was booming at the Italian Bistro. The new room with a wall size projection using Goggle Earth, televised the Sunday OCAGA Tour Event. Patrons consumed complementary Fette Biscottate imported from Italy which they dipped in Chianti, along with complementary Insalada Caprese, a favorite cold dish for the warm summer days. Everyone was excited with Charlie Ranucci leading in points and Rookie of the Year front runner Dave Kissinger, emerging on the scene.  But no one expected to see such dominance by Eddie Borillo and yes, the old folks were telling the youngsters about A Faint Glimmer of Hope.

An afterthought as the 2002 season was coming to a close, VEGAS gave Eddie a Faint Glimmer of Hope to make the Final Four, just 2 points above mathematical elimination with just the Avalon tournament before Championship Sunday.  2000 Champion Bud Campione had already secured a position and 2001 Champion Jim Hustedde was even money to defend his title and slightly favored over Campione for the Championship.   Ed Lang Senior who held the lead most of the season, finally had fallen into second place. As soon as they played together in a foursome, Phil Stocker noticed Ed Senior’s tendency to “miss strokes” when reporting scores, and the difference from then on, was dramatic!

There were seven players ahead of Eddie Borillo, including Bob Peterson Jr. who was a “probable,”  with 24 more points.   Feeling too comfortable, Junior skipped the tournament. Mike Lazarchick and Bill Russel, already out of contention,  played their best matches of the season.  Art Czachorowski who started the day just ahead of Eddie,  took fourth place. Don St George made a valiant effort using only 79 strokes, playing the last 9, one over par, but 5^th place on the day was just not good enough.  Eddie Borillo won Avalon and took closest to the pin on 17 for Three Addition Points. It was one of the most exciting tournaments in OCAGA History. He captured the fourth slot in the final four just beating out Junior and Don St George.  The finals were anticlimatic. While Hustedded managed to keep it marginally close during the front nine, it was really all about Eddie Borillo who set a modern day Championship record beating second place finisher Bud Campione by 10 strokes.

Yeah, the Italian Bistro erupted into a delirious frenzy as 2018 Ramblewood Tournament unfolded. Eddie dropped par, four out of the first seven holes. He was not driving with the distance he had during his prime, but he was hitting fairway after fairway, getting to the greens fairly consistently in regulation. He had a hiccup on 8 and 9, finishing the front with a couple of triple bogies.  When the patrons looked at the numbers at the turn, low handicappers Roger Read, Scotty Shaw and Mike Lazarchick had each posted 40. Eddie’s 45 elicited a rousing cheer.

While lessor competitors might have folded, falling deeply into a hole of despair, cycling uncontrollably in a growing chasm of negative phantasm, smothered by casuistry, specious thoughts, Ed Borillo grew stronger. After 4 straight bogeys to open the last 9, he dropped a Par and a Birdie, then coasted to the finish line with more bogeys. He held off Roger Read for a 3 strokes victory.

Purportedly, the 18th Marquess of Winchester was visiting the English Pub. Patrons were rejoicing while watching Roger Read place the lowest Gross on the Scorecard (80).  Now only 10 points off the lead, the race to the final four is clearly up for grabs. Add Rookie of the Year contender, Milt Nicholas finishing 5^th in the tournament, moving up to 5^th in overall points and you have a big celebration formula.  The Marquess brought Proper Job and Thornbridge Jaipur, Indian Pale Ales, for everyone to toast to the quality of their Tour contingent.

Bruno asked the Godfather if the patrons were correct that we are witnessing the end of the Polish era on the OCAGA Tour. They are clamoring about Art Czachorowski no longer choosing to attend events, apparently globetrotting with a bevy of women in pursuit. Art,

Ecuador?

a cherished “dance partner” at the Crab Trap, was last photographed by Paparazzi in South America.  Stanislaw at the Tavern was unable to explain Czak’s implemented 5 tournament Handicap System other than reading about a quote from Pierre at Le Petite Café about the “Bohan Effect,” which has Shaw and Lazarchick with handicaps so low that they are marginally competitive if they do not break 80.  There is now a growing movement questioning what really happened to Richie Antczak sending a chill of fear throughout the Polish Girl Scout Troops.  What kind of system keeps Bob Sweiderk in last place? It there tampering from the Russian Federation?

President Juliano, who purportedly said that the Shawlinski presidency was the worst ever in history, might be sending e-mails directly out to Tour Players and has been accused of changing his mind when Fact Checking comes into play. Speculation from the Bistro Patrons included the imminent demise of Lazarchick, perhaps out of the loop, and maybe having too close of ties with the “Liberal” press. The following e-mail was circulating:

Robert Juliano <jules036@comcast.net>
To:Lazarchick, Mike
August 1 at 2:11 AM
Hey Mike,

I was looking over the handicaps for Mays Landing and there are 3 mistakes you made. Mark should be at a 13, Ed B should be a 27 and Charlie is a 21. You are not accurate nor are you performing in a timely manner. I deliver Real information, not the Fake News you send to the OCAGA Blog. I am the first President not afraid to tell the truth and everybody loves me. 

Rob

*****

Juliano of course seemed to personally benefit from the Handicap System he administers, coming in third, moving him significantly up in overall contention, one win away , so to speak!

RACE TO THE FINAL FOUR

• 74           Ranucci, Charlie
• 73           Lazarchick, Michael
• 73           Ruth, Paul
• 71           Kissinger, Dave
• 70           Nicholas, Milt
• 69           Shaw, Scott
• 64           Read, Roger
• 62           Hamm, Glenn
• 62           Bohan, Marc
• 57           St George, Don
• 56           Borillo, Ed
• 53           Juliano, Rob
• 53           Czachorowski, Art
• 53           Swanson, Andy
• 52           O’Brien, Mike
• 42           Stocker, Phil
• 40           Sweiderk, Bob

It is unconfirmed that our President is aware of what psychologist call the “Illusion of Truth Effect.” Whether or not something is a lie or the truth, if it is said enough, people begin to believe it is true.  The Investigative Reporter is pursuing this story. When Juliano was contacted for comment, he said something to the effect that this is the closest Race to the Final Four in the History of the OCAGA Tour, proving that “I am the ONE making OCAGA Great Again,”  and he, not Shaw, is the first to ever use the slogan!

Disclaimer:  OCAGA News is not responsible for inaccurately reported information, spelling mistaks or grammaticaly incorrect sentense or paragraphical  contructions  and  will only print stories with permission of the depicted subjects or someone who knows the depicted subject.

SCATS        No SCATS were reported to the press for the Golden Pheasant Tournament. Even though Borillo and Juliano normally do not play SCATS, it was reported that they won SCATS at Ramblewood. The OCAGA News Blog can only report what is sent by the Secretary and is not responsible for the distribution of funds.

NEXT      MAYS LANDING    August 19th

The escalated resurgence of fame with the return of Paul Ruth to the OCAGA tour has been nothing less than mesmerizing, legions of seemingly ensorcelled, flocking to view him swing the club.  When he posted a front nine 43 on the Scorecard fans began crying with joy. Legendary, 5 time Tour Champion, Art Czachorowski, mythical in the Polish American Tavern, was the closest competitor, delivering a sweet 41 and would finish the day just two strokes higher than the low gross score posted by Milt Nicholas (82). Paul stumbled on the very difficult 10^th hole, collecting a snowman, sending a ripple of impending doom, thoughts of yet another meltdown, scathing daggers of letdown suffering, memories endured too often by his most loyal fans. But not on this day. There would be no more “big”

Ruth Fans Crying with Joy

numbers. Indeed Paul dropped two more pars on 15 & 16, adding to the three straight pars that closed the front. Almost breaking 90, Paul Ruth Won Golden Pheasant, his first OCAGA Tournament, with a net 56!

Days later when “new” handicaps were released, protestors with ignited passion, stormed the promenade. Early in the tournament, Baby Ruth stock prices began to climb, so intimately connected to Paul’s performance. Surely everyone remembers the Caddy Shack scene (rated PG14) that so ingloriously defaced the Baby Ruth image in years gone by:          https://youtu.be/aMAOKpADxMQ

The idea that Paul’s Handicap would remain at 35 was incredulous and insulting, resulting in the largest promenade emotional conflagration the Juliano administration has seen, aggravated by the President’s personal role in calculations and his tendency to communicate information directly with the public, some say not trusting the veracity of the OCAGA News Blog. While everyone on the Tour accepts that the only source for “Real News and Honest Opinion” is Fox News  (Do not disagree, if you do not view!), the OCAGA News Blog remains the number one publication in the world “reporting exclusively on the OCAGA Tour.”  To avoid impeachment proceedings, Juliano recalculated, adjusted the handicap and apologized to Paul. He has been critical this season of Secretary Lazarchick for not posting information in a timely manner, however it is not known if he will be asking for a resignation. It was not confirmed during the debacle if Scotty Shaw said, “Miss me yet?”

Art Czachorowski did finish second and immediately went on a cruise. Milt Nicholas was third, followed by Andy Swanson and Charlie Ranucci.

Race for the Final Four:  Charlie seems determined to make the finals again, now considered the best veteran player on the tour to have not won the Championship. Paul Ruth surged into second place with his Pleasant Pheasant Phinish. The Doctor remains in hunt to defend his title. Scotty Shaw moved up into fourth place with some serious threats at his heals. Everyone is one victory away from serious contention in the closest race we have seen in years!

• 66           Ranucci, Charlie
• 62           Ruth, Paul
• 60           Lazarchick, Michael
• 57           Shaw, Scott
• 53           Swanson, Andy
• 53           Czachorowski, Art
• 52           Bohan, Marc
• 52           Kissinger, Dave
• 50           Nicholas, Milt
• 47           Hamm, Glenn
• 43           St George, Don
• 43           O’Brien, Mike
• 41           Read, Roger
• 35           Stocker, Phil
• 34           Sweiderk, Bob
• 32           Juliano, Rob
• 31           Borillo, Ed

SCATS were not available at Press Time.  BET WITH YOUR HEAD NOT OVER IT

Next:     July 29^th      RAMBLEWOOD

Rookie Dave Kissinger wins White Oaks

The Italian Bistro placed a magnificent ragu alla Bolognese sauce on special using the recipe sent to the Godfather’s family by Dave Kissinger’s Grandmother. Not since Glenn Hamm entered the tour has there so much excitement about a Rookie. Tour Champion Michael Lazarchick commented after the first tournament that Dave hit some wonderful drives and was oozing with potential. At White Oaks, the tournament started on the back nine, considered more difficult by seasoned players. Indeed the tour played the first two holes, thirty three strokes over par.  Dave Kissinger at 5 over felt the frustration thinking again he would not reach his potential. But he found par twice on the back and except for a slight hiccup double on 16, played “bogey golf” placing a 46 on the Scorecard!  The excitement in the Bistro reverberated out onto the promenade.   At Le Petite Café, the patrons were witnessing an incredible 37 by Marc Bohan, yet a cloud of gloom, ever so slowly, descended with the realization that he was losing by 12 strokes. At the Polish American Tavern they watched Scotty Shaw post a 41, yet  9 off the pace and Bobby Sweiderk deliver a 45, placing him 13 strokes behind. Dave was not even aware of his lead. After suffering through a six, 2 sevens and then an eight with two to play, he was thinking this was another lackluster performance. The field was quickly moving closer and Scotty Shaw caught him on the 16th hole they played.  Just when it appeared that a meltdown would prevail, Dave Kissinger stepped up to the winner’s level. He soared ahead of Shaw by 3, finishing Par, Birdie, slamming the door shut, taking his first OCAGA Tour Victory! The Godfather smiled.

Scotty Shaw did finish second posting an 83, just behind Bohan’s low gross 80 for the day. March finished 3^rd. Bobby Sweiderk finished 4^th and Paul Ruth took 5^th place. Baby Ruth Candy Bar stock turned dramatically up. While there was some controversy on the name of the candy bar, was it Babe Ruth or Grover Cleveland’s  daughter Ruth, today it is clearly associated with Paul.

Lazarchick and Ranucci were in an epic battle and made it to the 10th hole in the first foursome when the wind and rain came on strong and forced them back to the clubhouse in the Emerald links Tournament. Apparently, the Tour was not given a raincheck. Art Czachorowski booked a makeup tournament at the Vineyards for September 23rd.

The Ocean City Maryland  Antczak golf trip was an enormous success. At Lighthouse Sound home of the longest cart bridge in the United States, stretching nearly 1,500 feet from the bay side holes to the pristine marsh side, Phil Stocker dropped a Hole in One on #11! Charlie Ranucci posted the lowest score (80) of the excursion, at Rum Pointe. Andy Swanson made fistfuls outscoring everybody day after day.  The scariest part was Richie Antczak and Andy Swanson voyage to the beach where they were recognized and chased for autographs by a group of ambassador girl scouts held back in 12^th grade.

Points after Four –     Marc Bohan continues to look very impressive, obviously more determined in the 2018 season after losing to Juliano and Lazarchick in close battles the past two seasons on Championship Sunday.  Charlie Ranucci, considered the best player on the Tour without a Championship, is a close second in this early season. Glenn Hamm, while not playing his best, has still been good enough for 3rd in the race to the final four and the current Champion holds a slim lead on a strong group of contenders wanting to take away his chance to defend.

• 52           Bohan, Marc
• 49           Ranucci, Charles
• 47           Hamm, Glenn
• 46           Lazarchick, Mike
• 44           Shaw, Scotty
• 43           St George, Don
• 41           Reed, Roger
• 37           Kissinger, Dave
• 37           Ruth, Paul
• 31           Borillo, Ed
• 31           O’Brien, Mike
• 31           Swanson, Andy
• 30           Czachorowski, Art
• 29           Nicholas, Milt
• 24           Sweiderk, Bob
• 24           Stocker, Phil
• 23           Juliano, Rob

SCATS :

Scratch Scats were Bohan 7 for $35; Shaw 3 for $15; Read 2 for $10; Ranucci and Sweiderk 1 each for $5 each.

Handicapped scats were rounded up to $9 for each:  Ranucci, Ruth, Shaw, and St. George had 2 each for $18 each; Read had 1 for $9.

Next   Golden Pheasant  July 8th

A tourist stumbled upon the Boulevard and was surprised at all the Sunday activity, especially a heated altercation between what appeared to be two rival groups of girl scouts. The OCAGA Investigative Reporter was researching and willing to answer questions. Apparently Richie Antczak is organizing an Ocean City Golf Excursion, inviting any OCAGA members who want to travel, and, just the thought of him returning from Arizona has his most loyal fans in a tither. The opposing group has returned to adulation of Andy Swanson, who was “dreamy” in the last tournament.

When asked about a place to eat, Le Petite Café was highly recommended, especially if one enjoys Canadian Frontenac Noir Wine, on special this week. The tourist asked about the excitement at their door and listened to the story.

Charlie tells Marc to Toughen Up!

Jacque at Le Petite Café was in a frenzy, squealing in delight, repeating in French over and over again “Marc Bohan is magnificent!” Marc came out of the gate considerably hot in the light rain and proceeded to get better.  While everyone was struggling to putt on dreadfully slow greens still suffering from early season aeration, Marc was placing a 76 on the Scorecard. When one patron suggested that sleazy Gaétan the bookie must have paid Marc to take a dive in the 2017 finals, Jacque retorted even the Godfather would not be able to turn his heal. Far more than a hero with an angelic face, Bohan exudes the upmost integrity for the game he loves. On this day, Avalon was his to win, despite considerable odds according to VEGAS, giving up multitudes of strokes to the majority of the field. Marc sunk 11 Pars and a Birdie on a day when he almost pulled out because of the inclement weather.

The tourist was impressed with the giant screen TV recently installed at Hamm’s Brewery entrance which broadcasts the OCAGA Tour using Google Earth. While he was admiring the amazing technology, he heard about the latest inside report. A small group of employees, giggling with laugher about Marc Bohan “leaving the Vineyards early because he was too cold”  were also convinced he would leave with the slightest increase in rain. They were absolutely plastered, having decided to quaff glasses of beer every time they witnessed great shots by their hero and Glenn had a wonderful day. The latest commercial featuring his look alike bear was now playing on the TV.  They knew the jingle by heart by the end of the tournament, which of course, would disappear by morning! It was a good thing that next door, the new Urgent Care branch of the St George Medical Center opened when an influx of donations were generated by news that Don was no longer Missing.

As the story continued he learned that, pre-tournament favorites Glenn Hamm, Andy Swanson and Roger Read, all carrying “significant handicaps,” finished 2^nd  ,  3^rd  , and 4^th respectively. Bruno at the Italian Bistro was complaining that Avalon is too easy from the White tees when handicaps get so elevated.  The Godfather smiled, sipping Amaro Montenegro , sent to him in a special decanter made in  Murano by craftsman Luigi Bona. The season is young and Big Charlie will be a contender he thought and fast Eddie Borillo, well he makes miracles when he not too often on world travels. He was slightly annoyed that Rob Juliano was not available to play and not happy with the rumors that it was directly as result of a drop in approval ratings. Constant changes in the handicap reporting have caused suspicions and an emerging Glenn Hamm Scandal is in the wind! But, he was incredibly impressed with the improvement he saw in Dave Kissinger’s swing and was sure he knew Dave’s Italian mother.  And now with Tony Ciampa on the team, he told Bruna, it  was going to be a great season and not to worry.

At the English Pub, the visiting Viscount Hereford was buying rounds of Thomas Hardy’s Ale for patrons, thrilled with Young Roger Read’s performance and utterly delighted with the addition of Milt Nicholas to the Tour.  There was a boisterous cheer when he toasted to “A small team but huge quality!”  Milt a three time champion in the Emerald Links Monday League , finished in 5^th place in his first OCAGA Tour Tournament. It is widely known in inner golf circles that the Links Competition offers good training for championship success. The Doctor and Phil Stocker, each with two OCAGA Tour Titles, were the 2012 Monday League Champions. Currently, VEGAS lists Read as the guy to beat for the Links Club Championship and President’s Cup.

Mike O’Brien, too often sitting alone in the Irish Pub in recent years, welcomed Patrick Sullivan to the Tour, the latest in the O’Brien Pyramid, people recruited by people recruited by people that OB recruited to the league. OB did make the finals one year, but during Stocker’s Time of dominance, two championships in a row, 07-08. His picture is still displayed in the window of the Norwegian Cruise Line shop, which is next to Swanson Health Products  (Click link for coupons).

At the Polish American Tavern, the old guard threw out a few “Artski Sixski” chants as the match was closing. Art came on strong and just missed a putt on 18 that would have broken 90. While Art has the record for most OCAGA Tour Championships (5), Don St George became the oldest to ever go to the finals when he did it in the 2015 season, much to the chagrin of Tavern faithful, not to mention the anxiety of Glenn Hamm taking back to back, number 3 and 4 titles, 2012 & 13. None the less, the current decade has been dominated by the Polish Team with Art claiming his 5^th title in 2010  and both Scotty Shaw and the Doctor each taking two titles.   Now with Bob Sweiderk on the tour, the Tavern bleeds optimism.

The tourist felt it was all very confusing. The Investigative reporter told him fortunately there is a long history available to read in the OCAGA News Blog and the now defunct OCAGA Newsletter.

SCATS

Glenn Calculating

Glenn Hamm was the Big Winner. So huge was his chunk of money, a fan complaint (possibly from Casimir, leader of the old guard at the Polish American Tavern) which included an incriminating photo (Left), some say, has launched an investigation by the OCAGA Tour Fraud Unit.  It was not confirmed, that the complaint also mentioned no similar  complaints of any kind, at any time, were filed against the Shawlinski Administration, which is heralded, at least in the Tavern, as the Greatest Presidency of All Time, “Making OCAGA Great Again.”

When I was in office the Tour had  the largest Galleries  in OCAGA History!

Points After Two:    It is a Battle and everybody is in Play in the Race to the Final Four

NEXT   EMERALD LINKS   JUNE 3RD   12 NOON

Big Charlie Challenged by Little Andy

At the Italian Bistro, Bruno was lamenting, still feeling pain wondering why Charlie did not play as well in the title match last season.  With scorn, Bruno accused the Doctor of trying to impress new member Dave Kissinger and laughed when he saw LZ  in a dogfight with Don St George and Fast Eddie Borillo. Of course, by the end he was elated.  Charlie Ranucci, on fire in the Chilly Vineyards opener, posted the low gross of the day (84) on the Scorecard. The Godfather, sipping Disaronno Originale , bought a round for he patrons and raised his glass in a toast to Big Charlie. On the Bistro Wall of Fame, hangs the Classic Ranucci Swanson Faceoff Picture.

After 4 Bohan was leading by 1 in gross score over Lazarchick. St George and Shaw were one more back and Charlie was fifth another stroke off the pace. When Bohan withdrew, Lazarchick took the lead. On the sixth hole Charlie caught LZ, while Don and Scotty began a steady fall off the pace. On 7 Charlie took the lead and never looked back.  As he delivered 7 pars and a birdie,  the Bistro crowd became more boisterous. It was all about Charlie Ranucci. easily winning by 5 strokes over Tour Champion Mike Lazarchick, the only other player to break 90.

Don St George mysteriously returned and took third place.  When Don disappeared after the Pinelands tournament, strongly in second place early in the 2017 season, the St George Greek Orthodox Cathederal purportedly offered a reward for his return. Speculations included abduction by a group of sex crazed teenagers using Don as their Toy.  The St George Police Department was following “Hot” leads up until opening day.  Everyone certainly remembers the picture posted on the St George Police Department’s Facebook Page under Missing Persons (right).  The Investigative Reporter was not able to determine where Don was, but did witness a continence of gloating and licking of chops with the posting of his “new” handicap in the return to a traditional OCAGA Handicap system.

Mike O’Brien was fourth and Eddie Borillo was fifth prompting an immediate protest from La Petite Café by Jacque complaining that the Top Five hit the ball too straight, too often and are too good to be playing from the Senior Tees.

Opening Day traditionally generates higher scores as rust drips off tour players. A significant wind chill factor was problematic. Indeed Art Czachorowski was in the process of postponing the tournament with early reports of significant snow.  Fortunately, new President Rob Juliano intervened, with the assistance of new starter Glen Hamm, shifting the decision to the membership at the course on opening day.

Paul Bunyon Ruth Trading Card

Everybody showed and the game was on. Paul Ruth returned to the OCAGA Tour, hungry for SCATS, after a several year hiatus. There was an unconfirmed report he was playing in Asia and because of his relative size acquired the nickname Paul Bunyon, indeed Children are Collecting Paul Bunyon Ruth trading cards already highly valuable in the marketplace.  With Glen Chabotar still out on Injured Reserve (Knee Replacement),  the door is wide open for Paul to make the Big Bucks in Handicap SCATS.

Dave Kissinger is joining the Tour and Vegus* has him at one to ten odds to win Rookie of the Year. After a disastrous start,  12 over par on the first three holes, Dave settled in and by the back nine he was hitting beautiful drives down the middle of the fairway and very nice approach shots to the green.

Andy Swanson, a pre-tournament favorite sporting a 31 handicap, unfortunately played like a 31 handicap finishing well off the pace, 21 strokes more than Charlie! Phil Stocker, also predicted to be in the money, boasting of scores in the mid 80s in recent weeks, came in a shot shy of 100.  Indeed, the vast majority of the field did not break 95, which is actually not all that unusual for opening day. Seemed like most everyone missed from all different distances and sinking putts on greens still recovering from late winter aeration was more luck than skill.  Marc Bohan was in exquisite form, 1 over par after 4, but had to withdraw because he did not ensure that Mia was dressed appropriately for the blustery cold wind.

Purportedly, John Buechner, watching the tournament live from South Carolina on Google Earth, was accosted by a sports reporter. He was asked if it was appropriate for Glenn Hamm to put himself in a foursome out first, ahead of a threesome. When a follow up question was about the starting fiasco of the Final Four last season, being the first in history to not go off first, because of threesomes, John redirected to a heated protest on the main “Bar” Promenade. Girl scouts were marching against a complaint lodged against Andy Swanson for displaying poor Golf Etiquette.  When Marc Bohan withdrew only Rob Juliano and Scotty Shaw were left in the second group. Despite both hitting more strokes than usual, apparently they were repeatedly waiting hole after hole, disrupting tempo to say the least. The complaint originated from a “mixed” group from The Polish American Tavern and the English Pub after hearing numerous slurs from two intoxicated Hamm’s Brewery patrons in the gallery, “Where’s da Etiquette? Let um play trough!”  Czak’s name was removed from the original complaint after negotiations because of legendary status in the Tavern. Roger’s name was removed because of the politically connected Earl of Sussex made a donation in Roger’s name to the Pub.  Glenn’s name was removed because Hamm’s Beer suggest they may become an OCAGA sponsor. Apparently, no one was defending Andy because Swanson’s Health Products stock dropped dramatically after his performance and prior to the march, the girl scouts were consumed with efforts to get “Richie, Richie, he’s too cute” Antczak,  back on the Tour.

SCATS    Ranucci Big Winner

*Vegus is a subsidiary of Sanctuary Publication, Publisher of the  OCAGA Blog. OCAGA Newsblog is not responsible for misrepresented factual information or mistaks made by the editorial staff.

Of course One Day does not make a season and NEXT:

AVALON   May 6^th          Check Out those Handicaps. Low Handicappers Bohan and Lazarchick are given up significant strokes!

At the Italian Bistro, the Godfather was beaming. Rob Juliano had electrified the OCAGA Membership beginning with the simple question, “What does the President Even Do?”  He was commanding and strong, truthful, thoughtful and persuading.  The nomination was elicited during a powerful, yet subtle oration that mesmerized his audience. Yes, he owned the floor and generated a volcanic eruption that swept him into office by acclamation with glasses raised! Bruno asked if Art Czachorowski was displaying early symptom dementia with his repeated explanation, over and over again, why OCAGA needed to return to the “old handicap system.”

Of course Stanislaw, at the Polish American Tavern, was pontificating about the “formula of 12,” the last 2 played and the lowest 3 scores from the next 10 tournaments, played only in the league. He was proud of how adamant Czak was, eventually shifting more and more of the members to his thoughts.  Kasimierz was emphatically proclaiming that tee boxes didn’t matter. The winners kept the ball in play more often, sunk putts and obviously in this decade, having Polish Blood was clearly an asset.  There was a demonstration outside of the Tavern prompted by speculation that Rich Antczak may return for some 2018 tournaments, a march of girl scouts chanting, “Richie, Richie, he’s too cute!”

The Godfather responded to Bruno by saying at the Banquet there is always much debate and very divergent views, but what was important, when the mood of the members was clear, it was Rob who volunteered to make it happen.

At Le Petite Café the conversation was about everybody playing from the white tees, how the forward tees at Avalon elicited too much confidence and made it too easy for Lazarchick to win the Championship and clearly was very unfair for Bohan.  Pierre asked why Marc would even play with such golfers asking for rule changes to “rake zee sand traps,” every year, year after year.  They saw the total disgust on Marc’s face, with head shaking, telling everyone “You don’t fix hazards, you avoid them!”  Don St George had stopped by the Café but could not stay for dinner. Apparently a piece of paper explaining Rule 28 was found shortly thereafter and Pierre had to elucidate beginning the diatribe that no one really has to hit out of a footprint in a trap! Anywhere, anytime, except for water hazards, a player can declare an unplayable lie and move the ball with a one stroke penalty. They can come out of the trap and go back to their previous spot. They can drop the ball no nearer the hole in the trap within 2 club lengths or on a line straight back from the pin as far as the trap will allow.

At the English Pub, the visiting Duke of Cornwall was applauding the acceptance of the final draft of the “Modernized Version of the Rules of Golf” to go in effect January 1, 2019. The Duke was explaining how they support Visionary Young Roger Read’s assertion that the “Direct Line” OCAGA Rule, disregards stroke and “distance” and really should be a 2 stroke penalty.  The OCAGA Rule: “PENALTY for the lost balls, balls out of bounds and unplayable lies is one stroke. The ball may be dropped at the point of loss (or crossing out of bounds line) or anywhere on the DIRECT LINE (not curving line of flight) between where the ball ended and the point from which the ball was hit. “  The Duke laughed when the subject at the Banquet shifted to measuring and marking pars three to match the distances on the score cards which devolved quickly and was discarded.

At Hamm’s Brewery, the discussion was all about Glenn’s motion to play “lift, clean & place” in the fairway in every Tour tournament, because the fairways are not so pristine and it is not fair to penalize a nice drive. They figured there must have been a lot of drinking by the time this made it to the floor at the Banquet. Other than Hamm, everybody voted “No,” to stay with the Head Starter makes the decision on the day of each tournament.  Yet, within moments Glenn was elected to the position of Head Starter for 2018.

At press time, the Investigative Reporter submitted a summary:

Rob Juliano was elected President and has already constructed a Handicap Spread Sheet that calculates handicaps using the 12 Tournament from League Play Formula. Glenn Hamm was elected Starter. Michael Lazarchick and Art Czachrowski were reelected to Secretary and Treasurer.

While Rob actually agreed with those in favor of everyone playing from the white tees, the discussion was dropped when he stated those that moved up to Gold might leave if we took back that option. While measuring tee box distances and changing where they were placed initially sounded good, the discussion became very problematic, very quickly, and was dropped.

Changing the “Direct Line Rule” from 1 to 2 strokes will be sent out for a vote from the membership.

WE CAN STILL USE A FEW NEW MEMBERS —–   RECRUIT

First Tournament    Vineyards    April 8^th   11:33

A SANCTUARY PUBLICATION – EDITOR MICHAEL C. LAZARCHICK -THE OCAGA NEWSBLOG HAS AGAIN BEEN AWARDED THE NUMBER ONE SPORTS PUBLICATION IN THE WORLD REPORTING EXCLUSIVELY ON THE OCAGA TOUR BY SPORTS ILLASTRATED.*

The Polish American Tavern, Le Petite Café, The Italian Bistro and Hamm’s Beer Tasting Room were quite   in anticipatory silence with a veil of mesmerizing concentration exuding from the final four in the OCAGA Tour Championship.  Marc Bohan erased the stroke he was giving Mike Lazarchick on the very first hole and they would battle to a 40, 41 tie after 9. Glen Hamm sunk a beautiful 15 foot birdie on 5, raising his club in a victory pose to the cheers from the gallery, and would share the lead posting a 43. Charlie Ranucci was one off the pace coming in at 45. The Championship was delivering all the excellence predicted in the media hype. There were miscues yes, but incredible recovery shots eliciting  oohs and ahs from the fans.

The doctor started the day with golf meditation and was early at the driving range for a pre-tournament warm up. He was the first tour player at the course, practicing putts when the others began to arrive.  In an exclusive interview the night before, he revealed that he just needed to be in play after the first 6 holes. He believed that his game would get progressively stronger as it had so many times over the course of his record breaking regular season. He told the story of how he had squandered the lead the year before in the finals, after being given the opportunity to win, by letting Shaw, Bohan and Juliano back in position to take the victory.

LZ’s par on 10 gave him the lead. Another on 12 signaled a march of determination to the trophy. Marc was down 4 strokes after 14 and Charlie was off by 5. Glen stumbled to a 7 on 13 and posted a careless 8 on 14, twice missing very short tap-ins. Michael was methodically sinking every putt within 6 feet, twice hit the pin from off the green pitches and left one long curving rescue shot over a trap, one revolution from Birdie. On 14, the Tavern erupted in delirium. The Doctor sent a long booming drive down the hard pan right side of the fairway into a large waste bunker.  He picked the ball clean and sent it just short of the green and followed with a chip to 6 feet from the cup. The Birdie added another stroke to his cushion. He was slowing down his fluid swing seeking a more perfect tempo. Oh NO!!!! Too slow of a swing on the par three 15, sliced the ball off the green all the way down the hill, to a spot partly shaded, under the 150 yard pampas grass on the adjoining fairway.  Marc gave him a “nice shot” when he navigated past the trees up the hill onto the green on the way to saving a four.  By then, Stanislaw and Kazimierz were bumping chests, standing on the bar yelling, “He’s gunna win!”

Michael Lazarchick stood on the tee box at 18 with a three stroke lead over Marc Bohan. He had  dropped two strokes since the birdie, after shifting to a protective, more conservative state of mind, playing safe shots. He took a deep breath and visualized a drive targeting the middle of the fairway. It was full, smooth, clean and crisp and his longest of the day. Charlie immediately congratulated him. They knew it was over. He finished by tapping in his 41^st stroke on the back. He had beaten a formidable trio, the best the tour had to offer, the lowest  four handicap indexes ever to be in final four together in OCAGA history. He had won the  2017 OCAGA Championship. 

Callaway Tournament

Art Czachorowski offered a Callaway Tournament to the Tour Players who did not make the finals. The Callaway Method is quite popular for one time events because it applies a one-time handicap that’s actually based upon a player’s score on that day. Basically, the table shows the number of “worst hole” scores the player may deduct and the adjustment to be made, based on the player’s gross score. With only five players showing for the event, having a two man scramble event became problematic and in the end Art Czachorowski and Phil Stocker tied Scotty Shaw and John Beuchner. Only Rob Juliano, regardless of who he was paired with, was not a winner.  He actually shot the low gross score among the five players. Bruno asked the Godfather if he planned to speak with Rob because the patrons at the Italian Bistro were embarrassed again by his “whining” which resulted in the other players returning his money.  They said it actually started before the tee off when he was “whining” that paying $20 to play could have been eliminated by using the money “saved” from the 5 no-shows. The Godfather first reflected on the thought that Rob on occasion seems to appear a little tight with his money, but quickly shifted to he just hates to lose. He told Bruno not to listen to Giuseppe and “that” crowd. He told him Rob is just drawing attention to the questionable OCAGA management with leaders that get most of their wisdom from the Polish Tavern.  Too bad, he said, that Rob was in the wrong tournament. If he had made the finals, his 84 would have held onto the Trophy! At the Bistro a group of very young Italian Gymnasts were swooning as they watched the tournament. They were visiting hoping the Godfather could get “Physical Therapist” Rob to work on their bodies.

Turner-Nickles Memorial Trophy Retired   

Since 2010, when Art Czachorowski won his fifth OCAGA Championship, there has been talk about retiring the Turner-Nickles Trophy and giving it to Art.  As a charter member of the OCAGA Tour he is actually the only person who knew Turner and Nickles and no one prior to 2010 was even close to 5 titles.  President Scotty Shaw, in his infinite wisdom, after some discussion with the players who stayed after the tournaments, asked for an executive board vote (they complied) on his following Executive Order.

“I pledged to make OCAGA Great Again.   Five time Champion Art Czachorowski, arguably the greatest player in OCAGA Tour History, is hereby presented with retired Turner-Nickles Memorial Trophy to be held in perpetuity. He is directed to procure a new Trophy of reasonable size (not a giant trophy like the one being retired) to present to our 2017 Champion,  Doctor Michael Lazarchick at the Banquet. The New Championship Trophy will be called the Art Czachorowski  Championship Trophy.” **

*Sports Illastrated is a subsidiary of Sanctuary Publications

**If any member of the association objects to this decision and actions, they can query the secretary who will collect information to be brought to the attention of our president so that he can resolve the conflict.  The president declared that he would Make the Polish American Tavern Pay for the Trophy. That has been amended to the OCAGA members will pay for the Trophy out of the treasury and we will be reimbursed by the Tavern.