Ocean City Amateur Golf Association

Le Petite Café was jubilant. Once again Marc Bohan was poetry in motion placing only 79 stroke on the Scorecard.  Playing in a foursome with regular season point leader Michael Lazarchick, Marc derailed that “run away train heading for the final four.”  So dominant was Bohan, on a less than pristine Buena Vista Track, VEGAS now has Marc as “probable” for the final four.  He dropped a 40 foot putt on 16 to save par, being lauded as the Shot of Day by most of the gallery.   Mia Bohan was seen with a computer on the course and it is now rumored that she updated her father’s “myscorecard” records after hearing about the disparaging remarks made by “uncle” Rob. As result, with all the 2017 scores now on the record, Marc’s handicap went up over a full point. Unfortunately for Rob, after his less than spectacular play at Buena Vista, his chances to defend his title are fading. Marc took over fourth place in the standings.

Glenn Hamm took 2^nd place, finally delivering a stellar performance. The 4 Time Champion made an 83 on the course touted as “separating the men from the boys.” Needless to say, stock in Hamm’s Beer jumped and they re-released a Sky Blue Water Commercial, supposedly depicting an animated bear version of Glenn. Glenn is a point ahead of Marc in the race for the final four. VEGAS is offering 2 to 1 odds if anyone wants to bet that the final four is not already in place.

Charlie Ranucci stepped up to the plate, broke 90 and greatly enhanced his bid to play for the title. With a 22 point advantage over 5^th place with 2 to go, the Godfather is now taking bets on a Championship. Charlie sports the moniker of the Best Veteran Player in the League to Not Have Won the Title. Of course, Bruno asked if Rob would play in finals on Championship Sunday. The Godfather , sipping Zucca a curative herbal aperitif sent from Italy to help him with a stress related digestion problem, shook his head. He told Bruno that Rob is still a possibility, but either Glenn or Marc has to falter and Art cannot make a charge, while Rob finishes very near the top with perhaps a closest to the Pin, in one or both the last two tournaments.

At the Polish American Tavern the big debate was whether or not Art, in 5^th place with 104 points, could catch Lazarchick for the regular season point title. Despite the fact that no one in 1^st place ever failed to make the finals with 2 to go and Lazarchick is guaranteed 14 points even if he finished last in both tournaments with every one showing including Don St George, the Tavern patrons became more serious with each Tyskie consumed (the special beer of the month on tap).  Fans of the Doctor said even if he completely loses his game, LZ will finish with at least 153 points. Dobroslaw, a leader in the old guard, prompted an “Artski Sixski” outcry when he calculated that finishing first would give Art, 154 points, not even needing closest to the pin points!

WITH TWO TO GO     RACE TO THE FINAL FOUR

• 139 Lazarchick, Mike
• 126 Ranucci, Charles
• 115 Hamm, Glen
• 114 Bohan, Marc
• ********************
• 104 Czachorowski, Art   – 10    FROM 4^TH                  Must return  to Top form
• 98 Juliano, Rob                – 16           A Repeat Win at Ocean Acres would Help
• 89 Shaw, Scott                 – 25           Needs some help from Top Four
• 86 Read Roger                 – 28          Needs to show up for tournaments
• 75 O’Brien, Mike             – 39  Mathematically Eliminated if 3^rd and 4^th show.
• 71 Beuchner, John
• 67 Swanson, Andy
• 57 Borillo, Ed
• 47 Stocker, Phil
• 42 St George, Don

EXECUTIVE DECISION

President Scotty Shaw declared at the end of the Buena Tournament that from this day forward the Closest to the Pin for Points will be the shortest Par 3 listed on the scorecard, which he “recalled” was discussed at the last Banquet. He told the secretary that the old, “it will be whatever it was the last time we played the course” no longer has a place in his administration. Obviously, the guesswork has been taken out of the equation and there is no longer a need to remember what we did in the past. Of course the nitpicker in the press corps asked what if two par three are the same distance, to which Shaw responded, then the one listed as the easiest by handicap will be the hole.  The president does not expect any objection from the tour players because he now enjoys the most popularity of any leader in the history of the league and all the decisions for past par threes were not done by group vote.  He stated unequivocally, “ I was elected to be bold. Everybody loves me. I am making OCAGA Great Again!” If any tour player objects, they should send an e-mail to ocagaeditor@yahoo.com .

TOUR CHAMPION ROB JULIANO THE MORAL COMPASS

Rob Juliano successfully was able to get players to update their handicaps on a regular basis by voicing his concerns to the OCAGA News Blog publisher Sanctuary Publications. Despite Bohan’s allegation of “Being a Whiner”, the fans now seemed to be viewing Rob Juiano as a Hero.

SCATS     Hamm and Ranucci big winners!     

NEXT    OCEAN ACRES   AUGUST 20^TH

The patrons of the Irish Pub were giddy with delight as the Centerton Tournament came down to the closing holes.  Michael O’Brien stopped the Doctor’s bid to repeat as winner in a dramatic 2 man race to the finish line. In an exclusive interview with the OCAGA Investigative Reporter, LZ remarked that,  “OB has my number. He has been edging me out for low score on a regular basis in our practice games, outside the tour and his index is honest and up to date. What can I say? I shot my lowest score of the season!”

O’Malley was on a makeshift podium spouting the tale, with beer mugs in toasts, undulating and oscillating with ever increasing frequency, spraying a fine mist of newly tapped O’Hara’s Irish Red into the air. They liked the price compared to Guinness Extra Stout and after a few pints, it was just as good!  Some seemed to remember that OB might have had reddish tints in his hair when he had hair, long, long ago.  In a strong Irish Brogue, “After finishing 3^rd at Golden Pheasant, just a stroke off the pace, faltering late, our OB was methodical in this tournament, as others fell off the pace.”

Earlier in the day, a few doors down at the Polish American Tavern, absolute delirium had erupted from the Old Guard during the tournament opening.  Art Czachorowski came out on fire, with play resembling that which took him to 5 Championships and Legendary Status on the OCAGA Tour. He led the field in gross score after 6, 1 over par. Yeah, Artski Sixski could be heard up and down the promenade.  Art hiccuped and finished the front with a respectable 42, prompting a switch to Art being on his way to hitting his age, which was in play until the closing holes.

From O’Malley, “Was that a 42 he shot on the front, our Irish Lad?” OB was playing close to the big boys. Glenn Hamm and Marc Bohan each delivered a 38. Read placed a 40 on the Scorecard and Ranucci took 43 stokes. But Ob was playing in the foursome with who he believed was his real competition, the guy who dragged him onto the golf course for the first time and gave him formative “lessons.” LZ birdied 7, erasing one of his early bogies and delivered a one over, 36, on the front. Ob, already 8 strokes behind after 12 holes told him it was the best he had ever seen him play.

Young Roger Read was dazzling across the back nine. The English Ale House patrons actually displayed emotion when he sent in the 30 foot Birdie on 18 to tie Lazarchick for low gross score on the day (78).  Lazarchick was way too casual tapping in a one footer for par that ringed the cup, ending in bogie.  For Roger, it was his second birdie in four holes.  “Jolly Good Old Man,” as they raised glasses of  Worm Catcher Indian Pale Ale   made by Late Knights.  He took a step up the ladder with a 3^rd place finish and brought the possibility of final four participation in play, just six points behind Glenn Hamm, currently 4^th on the point list.  The Lord Great Chamberlain happen to be visiting from the British Isles and commented on Roger’s Decision to skip the Emerald Links Tournament for a free round of play at Blue Heron. “It’s a Bloody Shame if that is what keeps him out of the finals!”

O’Malley after a long quaff continued, “Twas the Birdie on 13 that propelled our fair skinned hero to victory!” Indeed, OB took 2 off the lead, claiming a share of the lead. Then he beat the Doctor by shaving off 2 more for a back 9, 40 !

THE DOCTOR EXTENDS HIS LEAD : In the race to the final four, LZ is now 33 points ahead of fourth place very close to mathematical certainty of playing on Championship Sunday. Charlie Ranucci with a 13 point advantage also looks like a shoo-in! No one in OCAGA history in second place with three to go, has ever failed to make the finals.  Art Czachorowski, Glenn Hamm, Marc Bohan and Roger Read are a formidable quadratical, all in contention. Juliano and Shaw need to get into the winner circle and Mike O’Brien needs the Luck of the Irish to buffer his rising skill.

POINTS WITH THREE TO GO

• 125 Lazarchick, Mike
• 105 Ranucci, Charlie
• 93 Czachorowski, A
• 92 Hamm, Glenn
• 89 Bohan, Marc
• 86 Read, Roger
• 80 Juliano, Rob
• 77 Shaw, Scott
• 75 O’Brien, Mike
• 52 Buechner, John
• 50 Swanson, Andy
• 47 Stocker, Phil
• 44 Borillo, Ed
• 42 St George, Don

Bruno asks the Godfather about indexes

When Rob Juliano threatened to file a formal complaint with the Tour Commissioner on the failure of updating handicap indexes, Bruno asked the Godfather what it meant and does it matter. More or less he heard,  that the French were somewhat rebellious and all to casual with subjects the Italians honor.  Of course,  Marc Bohan’s strategy of not putting in scores since June 2016 has paid off in his competition with Roger for lowest handicap on tour. Roger, an active updater, added a point to his index when the new August 1st updates entered the picture.  Of course, Juliano and Ranucci are current.  While Rob’s index climbed slightly, Charlie’s dropped a couple of points.  Lazarchick and Hamm also saw drops in their indexes.  They are finally playing consistently better. Czachorowski apparently has not been playing much or is just forgetting to post.  He has only one entry a month,  during April and May and June,  the 8th is the last. Of course, the 98 he shot at Golden Pheasant would not make his top ten, but the 86 at Centerton might have lowered his number, slightly. Shaw has not been playing all that great this season and perhaps not as often. He does have a couple of low 80s  scores from August of last year which will be out of the picture with his next two updates. The 10 lowest from the past 20 are in the handicap system. Bruno zoned out about halfway through the answer, completely confused. He did hear the closing remark that everybody is pretty close to their real handicap, give or take a point or two, and winning is really about who “shows up” on game day.

St George Mystery Expands

The picture on the left was received by anonymous mail delivery at Sanctuary Publications, owners of the OCAGA News Blog, with a cryptic message,  Is Don St George Beginning to Dissappear?   Notice there is a reflection of a person in his sunglasses, perhaps the last person to ever see Don? The anonymous reward for information about the whereabouts of Don has been expanded to include the identifying the person in the reflection.  Do you know who it is? A second photo was received at Sanctuary Publication just before the current Blog went to press. Don did not show up at Centerton much to the chagrin of the St George By the Sea Canterbury Fair volunteers. Another cryptic message was included.  Is Don Saint George Missing?  This is not altered photography as confirmed by the OCAGA News Blog Award Winning Expert Photographer.  Are we looking at,  perhaps the last fleeting “puff” of Don St George’s existence ? Who is sending these clues? What dastardly fallaciousness is a foot?

NEXT    BUENA VISTA       AUGUST 6^TH    11 AM

Fast Eddie Borillo and Mike O’Brien fell short in their quest to catch the Doctor finishing 2^nd and 3^rd, in a thrilling finish with pressure building at Golden Pheasant. Eddie had just returned from a 5 week sojourn visiting national parks, reaching states of meditative awe while witnessing natural wonders. His swing was in tune with the universe.  Bruno asked the Godfather if he could hear one more time how a Faint Glimmer of Hope was taken to the Championship Title. OB was his usual down the middle self, not really so long, but mostly in the fairway when he could mediate that slow swing.  At the Irish Pub they were singing along with Tim O’Brien, Michael’s cousin, to the ballad,  Ireland’s Green Shore.  Phil Stocker took fourth place, needing another hole or two. After a Birdie on 2 he rattled off four consecutive sevens and took a snowman on 8, but midway through the back nine everyone on the Norwegian Cruise to Alaska was watching the tournament via satellite.  Phil was charging for the lead, playing the last four holes only 1 over par.  Club Champion Rob Juliano edged closer to an opportunity to defend his title finishing 5th, leading the field in gross score after 9, but wobbling just a little too much as he approached the finish line.  All four contributed to Michael Lazarchick widening his lead over his closest competitors in the Race to the Final Four.

LZ finds rare flower at the Pheasant

Lazarchick started slow with three double bogeys in the first 5 holes, yet he managed to transverse the front nine in 45 strokes.  He was surprised at the turn to see he was a stroke ahead of Roger Read in his foursome.  More surprising he was a stroke behind Paul Ruth, who returned to the tour as a guest.  Paul was crisp and clean with his drives and was deadly with the putter. Had he been in the handicap SCATS he would have needed a wheelbarrow  to haul winnings just on the front. Martin DeBruin was also in the group and he played magnificently,  placing a 43 on the Scorecard in a tie with Juliano, head to head.

The OCAGA Investigative reported was able to get an exclusive Interview with the Doctor after the tournament, learning that Lazarchick felt fortunate to take the tournament. He had been embarrassed in the championship last year, losing the lead with sloppy play on 15,  followed by not being able to keep up with Juliano’s awesome finish. He finished 2^nd four times, clearly marred with questionable decisions, before finally winning the Championship with dogged concentration across all 18 holes. He felt his performance at the Pleasant was way too sloppy. With great drives and decent fairway play and very nice chips he consistently was putting for good scores. By three putting 17 after landing the ball 15 feet from the cup in 2 he wasted yet another opportunity.  Roger Read was energized by the competition in his foursome and shook his head in disbelief at the number of very short putts missed by Lazarchick.  Stepping up to the challenge, Roger  put on an accuracy exhibition on the back nine, one under par through 16. Lazarchick and DeBruin were in full admiration of his short iron precision as Read coasted to a low gross 84 on the day.

Controversy abounded when the tournament was rescheduled suddenly and Marc Bohan and John Buechner who were fine with the Holiday Weekend, had other plans already scheduled for the new date. Marc despite missing the tournament, held onto fourth place in the standings. Charlie Ranucci, Scotty Shaw, Art Czachorowski and Glenn Hamm finished at the end of the pack. Shaw who was playing with Art, said the slashed wrist he incurred just prior to Running Deer was still a personal handicap and also suggested that Art may have been a little disoriented because he was having trouble counting all his strokes. When asked if knew whether or not  Art had been out all night carousing again with the ladies, Scotty shrugged his shoulders.   Don St George is still missing!  Juliano, Read and Swanson all moved up, albeit ever so slightly.

Lazarchick played well enough to win and clearly will be in the final four if he does not experience a total collapse in the four remaining regular season tournaments. He has 16 points on Charlie in 2^nd . He is a full 27 points ahead of 4^th place.

PTS         Tour Player

• 102        Lazarchick, Michael
• 86           Ranucci, Charlie
• 80           Czachorowski, Art
• 75           Bohan, Marc
• 74           Hamm, Glenn
• 68           Juliano, Rob
• 65           Read, Roger
• 60           Shaw, Scott
• 50           Swanson, Andy
• 50           O’Brien, Mike
• 44           Borillo, Ed
• 42           St George, Don
• 36           Beuchner, John
• 36           Stocker, Phil

A supposed anonymous entity (could it be the St George Greek Orthodox Church in Hamilton ?) has offered a substantial reward for information on the whereabouts of Don St George.  Don has not shown for a tour event since finishing Pinelands in 5^th place and climbing into 2^nd place in the overall points. His last posting in the “myscorecard” handicap system was Harbor Pines on June 22^nd.  Before he disappeared a rumor was circulating that Don’s Picture from a year ago was a shoo-in for International Picture of the Year.

Bruno in the Italian Bistro asked the Godfather if Tour  Champion Rob Juliano  possibly could still be reeling from the Bohan remark at the Banquet, “I shot an 82. Who is the real champion?”  Bruno heard  a customer talking about an unidentified bystander supposedly overhearing Rob threatening to file a formal complaint against all the tour players for not keeping up the input of current golf scores in the handicap systems. He specifically named Marc and asked point plank if his myscorecard account was  even active. Apparently a teenage “hacker” was engaged, who was able to access the account and found, supposedly, that the last score  input was September 15, 2016. Bruno, not the brightest spoke on the wheel, was perplexed as to why Marc would want to keep his handicap so low. He asked the Godfather if there was any truth to what the customers were saying, that Rob purportedly said, Marc was keeping his handicap low so he could Whine when he lost to High Handicappers.  The Godfather, took a sip of Sambuca and replied, “I doubt it, but if it helps Rob catch Marc and take the fourth position in the Race for the Final Four, that is good!”

FLASH:      President trying to absconds with SCAT Money?   President Scotty Shaw has the highest approval rating in OCAGA History, unpresented since Phil Stocker was Commander in Chief and set a new standard for excellence, virtually erasing the scandal ridden administrations in OCAGA’s sordid history. Shaw is now claiming that he does not have the names of those who played SCATS at Golden Pheasant. The far left is accusing him of not wanting to disclose personal financial records.  It was not confirmed that Fox News Reported that Secretary Lazarchick was seen dumping the task on the president in what some observers suggested was unprofessional behavior and once again rumbling to remove him from office from the far right, surfaced. Why did Lazarchick not collect those names from President Shaw on the day of the Tournament? Why do we need a secretary if he does not support such a popular president? Shaw was swept into another term of office at the last Banquet, running on the slogan, Let’s Make OCAGA Great Again. The Federalist Papers Project *cast blame on the deviation from the original standards set by SCATS Creator, the late past President Kevin O’Donnell, claiming the founding fathers clearly did not want the current situation, followed by a suggestion that the former president was to blame.

*The Federalist Papers are not considered real news like Fox and the OCAGA News Blog, nor are they considered Faux or Fake News. They have been described as a far right wing entertainment parody of reality.

NEXT:   CENTERTON    JULY 30^TH     10 AM

After climbing to the top of the league, Art Czachorowski dropped back to 6^th place  when gallivanting  in Florida became a higher priority. The old guard at the Polish American Tavern was distraught. Their very existence was intricately intertwined with Czach’s performance on the OCAGA Tour. Indeed, the OCAGA Tour would no longer exist without him and that was discussion as the June Tournament drew near.

Art is the oldest living active player, who was involved with the creation of the Tour back in the “old days of folklore” (1968-1969), before Sanctuary Publications began to tell the story on the internet via OCAGA News and now the OCAGA News Blog.* Just when it looked like the Tour would falter (1990), Art won his first championship. He would collect four titles during the  Decade of Czachorowski. As legend has it, Mike O’Obrien , in a state of languor, dripping with lassitude and lethargy, in an alcohol induced torpor, in a back booth in the Irish Pub, was inspired by Czach’s exploits. OB joined the tour. While never achieving near the fame on the Links, O’Brien charisma and innate Joie De Livre, lead to the attraction of the majority of the current OCAGA players and their contacts, either directly connected to O’Brien or a person who came into the league because of O’Brien.

When the Emerald Links Tournament began there was considerable relief when Art Showed driving his Miata, undoubtedly the old guard surmised, directly from all night carousing. Out of the gate, Art was strong, in a tie with Marc Bohan after 3 holes and ahead in raw score after 4.  The 2016 winner Mike Lazarchick opened with a snowman and played the par threes on the front , 8 over par, appearing to be a non factor. Tour Champion Rob Juliano was finally having a competitive day and Two Time Tour Champion Phil Stocker was close to his groove and he is very dangerous when he is on!

“Artski Sixski” chants, intermixed with slugs of Warka Beer, preferred by the old guard from one of Poland’s Oldest Breweries. They got more frequent and louder through the first 5 holes. Art was magnificent. The jubilation fell abruptly and slithered into a deep swirling chasm of inexplicable ineptitude, on six, then seven and again on eight.  Czak placed three straight 7s on the Scorecard!  Bohan and the Doctor each picked up 7 strokes. The runaway was now a dogfight. On nine, the old guard jumped to their feet when Art stuck the ball tight on the par three. Bohan would struggle to a 5 and Lazarchick who hit his ball on the left side of the green and took a 90 degree bounce into the water, settled for a dismal 6. Czak , with the sweetest precision dropped his Birdie in the center of the cup.

Bohan would traverse the back taking 41 strokes. The wind was howling on the last two holes, into their faces. Marc Birdied 17, but bogeyed 18.  The Doctor too, had put up an impressive charge, until faltering to double bogey(7) on seventeen and bogey on eighteen for a final of 42 strokes. Rob Juliano finished 7, 6. Both Phil Stocker and Glen Hamm finished 8,7. And Art Czachorowski? Bogey, Bogey, yeah,  good enough to Win the Tournament.  Art finished net 70, ahead of Bohan net 71. Lazarchick took 3^rd over Juliano and Stocker by low handicap, all finishing with a net 72. It was an incredibly exciting match for the fans and a clear example of why the OCAGA Tour is so successful in the marketplace.

The Victory lifted Art back into the top 4.  Lazarchick took over the point lead with Marc Bohan and Charlie Ranucci close behind. Glen Hamm,  Current Champion Rob Juliano and President Scotty Shaw are within striking distance, despite not yet having reached their potential this season.

At the English Pub the crowd was quite subdued. There was heavy early betting in Vegas on Young Roger Read to fair well at Emerald Links.  He is a full weekday member and often in the summer evenings is walking the course and hitting the ball. Playing since childhood, there is a reason why his handicap is so low and of course when most of the scores are from a place where there is course knowledge, the handicap index  is further reduced. The pub fans were shocked when he did not play in the OCAGA EL Outing and the odds makers in Vegas smiled.

POINTS AFTER FOUR

PTS         Tour Player

• 77           Lazarchick, Mike
• 75           Bohan, Marc
• 73           Ranucci, Charlie
• 69           Czachorowski, A
• 64           Hamm, Glenn
• 51           Juliano, Rob
• 48           Shaw, Scott
• 47           Read, Roger
• 42           St George, Don
• 36           Buechner, John
• 36           Swanson, Andy
• 29           O’Brien, Mike
• 21           Borillo, Ed
• 17           Stocker, Phil

BREAKING NEWS: Don St George is missing? After climbing to the top with Art

Has anybody seen this guy?

Czachorowski,  in second place behind after Pinelands, Don did not show for Running Deer and Emerald Links. Numerous e-mails have not garnered a response. The St George Medical Centre Free Health Plan for Life has not heard from Don. An offer of a Retreat in St George     Bermuda for Don, purportedly got no response. He did not respond to the recent “Date for the Next Tournament” poll. Any information that will lead to Don’s return to the OCAGA Tour or a substantial clue to his whereabouts**will be handsomely rewarded by an anonymous supporter.

LATE DATE CHANGE MAY HURT JOHN BUECHNER’S RACE TO THE FINAL FOUR

When the date was changed for the Golden Pheasant Tournament, “supposedly” because it was on a holiday weekend, John Buechner was directly affected. Since remarrying and beginning the “move” from Jersey via Pennsylvania en route to South Carolina, John has “summer” weekends booked in a tight schedule and cannot make the new date on the 9th. With a new swing, displaying significant potential, along with his high high handicap, John would be a serious threat if he made the finals.  A cadre of loyal fans suggested a possible ploy to keep John out of the race. The Investigative reported is on the case. It is not known if Rob Juliano had anything to do with the change, which apparently also keeps Marc and Mia from attending on the 9th. With Marc out of the picture, Rob would be a giant step closer to being able to climb into the race and defend his title. OCAGA President Scotty Shaw was overheard in a conversation at Running Deer saying that Obama was not a good US President.  As most know, there are some who say race relations deteriorated during his 8 years in office. You be the judge. The Investigative Reporter will keep you updated as new information becomes apparent.

SCATS

Marc Bohan continues to take in the big bucks in Scratch. Art Czachorowski got the lion’s share in Handicapped.

*  Exclusive Interview with the OCAGA Historical Reporter allowed the publication of this article, which unfortunately cannot be considered as accurate as today’s news because it occurred during the  “old days of folklore,”  however in current time, many media sources are often castigated as Fake News.  For the record, no one has ever accused the OCAGA News Blog to be Fake News. Logically, since this is an OCAGA News Blog, you may consider everything printed to be factually more probable than anything reported in any other media sources on the planet. Yes, to the savvy reader, this is clearly a Bootstrap Paradox.

** Yes, “Whereabouts” is actually a real word, not slang. Occasionally the OCAGA News Blog uses big words when they are appropriate for elucidation.

NEXT       GOLDEN PHEASANT         JULY 9TH

and

After a humiliating last place finish earlier in the month, unleashing copious teas and severe despondency throughout the Girl Scouts Community, Andrew Swanson Slayed  Running Deer.

Girl Scouts have been swooning at his visage since he entered the tour, with only a brief flirtation with Rich Antczak stealing away some of the adulation. With Antczak’s  mysterious* disappearance from the tour the focus has almost fully switched back to Andy.  It is possible that the traumatic reverberations experienced by the scouts were the motivation and inspiration that triggered the placing of 4 pars and a Birdie on the Scorecard.  Swanson supposedly has a reputation for being  “putty in the hands” of women of all ages and “they say” there is nothing he has not done to please them. Picking up a stroke on each of 8, 9 and 10 gave Swanson the lead over Mike Lazarchick who was in a battle for low net with Roger Read and Marc Bohan and appeared on the way to an easy tour victory. Down the stretch the excitement raged as the gallery witnesses the emergence of a classic two man battle.  When Lazarchick lost a ball into the woods on 15, Andy picked up 2 strokes and almost instantly there was a Swanson’s Health Products spike on the stock market. He was up 4 strokes with 3 holes to play. But Noooo, the Doctor shaved off 3 strokes in the next two holes setting up an 18^th hole showdown. Because he has a lower handicap, winning the final hole would have resulted in a final score tie which would steal the victory.  The Girl Scouts cheered when Andy dropped a beauty for bogey. In the Polish American Tavern there was a rising excitement, and then a gasping sigh, before the silence descended. LZ ringed the cup for par and tapped in the second place bogey.

A few shots back, Charlie Ranucci, Roger Read and Marc Bohan rounded out the top five finishers.

At the Italian Bistro, Bruno was very confused. He could not understand why Art Czachorowski  and Don St George did not show up for the tournament after climbing to the top of the league standings. Apparently, there was a picture of Art being circulated from the Gopher Bar, a known Conservatives Hang Out, supposedly taken at a seaside vista. They were talking about a broadcast by Rush Limbaugh claiming,  Czak in his Blue Miata and with fancy dancing steps has become so irresistible to women he was kept out all night and slept through the mid-day  scheduled event! Linbaugh then claimed that Don St George forgot about the tournament, suggesting that Don is really as old as was reported in the last issue of the OCAGA News Blog.

The Godfather was sipping Amaro Lucano, a gift from the Vena family in Italy. He told Bruno that “we” do not really believe all the “hyped up, sensationalist” stories that come out of Limbaugh’s mouth and those guys are not Italian, so why be concerned? Bruno of course began to speak about Linbaugh’s  remarks, who while referring people to the December OCAGA News Blog, suggested that  League Champion Rob Juliano was now boycotting tournament play because Mia Bohan was getting more attention than he was. The diatribe went back to when Rob did not react well to a comment by Marc at the banquet, “Who is really the champion in the eyes of the public, I shot an 82!” Of course, early in the Championship match, Rob was boasting about winning straight up, even suggesting he wouldn’t need a tainted victory by handicap points.  The OCAGA Investigative reporter can not confirm that Rob Juliano now has a serious lack of confidence. The Godfather interrupted  Bruno’s train of thoughts and told him that people like Limbaugh distort the real news by bringing some truths and adding their own twist to get listeners in a frenzy.  As Bruno calmed down, he heard soft and gentle words, “Who is now on top of the leader board?”   A single was given for all patrons to get  round of  drinks on the house.

AFTER THREE – THE RACE TO THE FINAL FOUR

• 59 Ranucci, Charles
• 53 Lazarchick, Mike
• 52 Bohan, Marc
• 49 Hamm, Glen
• 47 Read Roger
• 44 Czachorowski, Art
• 42 St George, Don
• 37 Shaw, Scott
• 36 Swanson, Andy
• 32 Juliano, Rob
• 23 Beuchner, John
• 21 Borillo, Ed
• 17 O’Brien, Mike
• 0   Stocker, Phil

The Godfather just smiled. He knew that Big Charlie moved up to Gold Tees and is a serious threat to the Big Hitters. He told Bruno that Charlie leads the pack without breaking 90 this season on the OCAGA Tour,  while virtually all his other scores that are in the formula to calculate his official handicap are in the 80s.

At the Polish American Tavern, Scotty Shaw was the big topic of discussion. Uncharacteristically, the OCAGA President took 32 strokes on the first 4 holes while whispers flourished in the  gallery about weakness and a noticed bandage.  Another tour player asked if him if he had tried to take his own life by slashing his wrists. Scotty’s story was easy to believe, that he slipped and accidentally gashed himself with a sharp tool. Blood Letting did come up in conversation and of course history buffs brought up George Washington’s Death as reported on PBS. The conversation died as soon as someone remarked that the President says that only Fox News and the OCAGA News Blog  are not False News Sources.

At the English Pub, young Roger Read was finally getting some attention, long recognized as “a pleasant gentleman with a lady friend” and quoted as saying, “We are out here to have fun!” Roger started playing golf very early in his youth and owns a magnificent game. After the tournament he lamented a late errant shot that rolled off the fairway and got lost in the woods ending up in a disappointing 7.  Easily half a dozen of his putts were just so close , but did not drop on slick greens most players felt were quite a challenge, yet he finished with the low gross (68) on the day. Just two points out of fourth place, Vegas is getting action on his possible trip to the finals.

John Buechner displayed moments of brilliance, delivering drives and iron shots much improved over past seasons. Unfortunately, he fell in love and recently got married to an incredibly beautiful lady and just has not played enough golf to stay consistent over 18 holes.  While John is being viewed as most improved, Hamm fans are asking what happened to their 4 Time Champion.  However, with Glenn now in fourth place overall, we have seen a rash of Hamm’s Commercials back on the air waves.

SCATS

Roger Read continues to lead in the total for overall SCAT Money, moving closer to Marc Bohan in  Scratch and being the outright leader in Handicapped.

Next:

EMERALD LINKS            June 4, 2017

*For a while, a rumor circulated that Rich Antczak was kidnapped by a rouge** group of disenfranchised, dominatrix girl scouts and was being used as a sex toy. However, other sources reported that Antczak recently organized a secret golf excursion (purportedly known to select inner circle) to Ocean City Maryland, which was rained out. The very next day, a group of scouts stalking Swanson, reported that  he and Antcczak  were seen boarding a plane for Fort Lauderdale, ostensibly to play golf.

** This is not a misspelling. Who would believe that Girl scouts would be rogue?

OCAGA NEWS Blog Disclaimer: The OCAGA News Blog is not responsible for inaccurately reported information, spelling mistaks or grammaticaly incorrect sentense or paragraphical  contructions  and  will only print stories with permission of the depicted subjects or someone who knows the depicted subject.

What, Are You Surprised?

“Artski Sixie” reverberated throughout the Polish American Tavern. The old guard could not be contained as the Pinelands Tournament unfolded. With 5 pars placed on the front nine Scorecard,  Art Czachorowski was making a strong  early statement. He felt cheated at the end of last season arguing against the course difficulty rating, which allows a further separation of strokes being assessed when players compete from different,  Senior and Regulation tees. The disappointment echoed loudly and often  on Championship Sunday as patrons held their nose, spit Żywiec on the floor and proclaim śmierdzące each time Lazarchick and Shaw blew opportunities.  Meanwhile, Don St George and Art came with a stroke of beating Borillo and Hamm in the   ”President’s Memorial Tournament”, changed from Hanko Memorial (in an informal secret vote so said the OCAGA Investigative Reporter) because so few are left on the tour who remember Joe.

On this day Art was giving an additional 5 strokes to the low handicappers!  Early chatter in the Tavern about big hitters having too much of an advantage was replaced by exuberant boasts about too short a course for Czach and his precision “short game.”   Indeed, he coasted to a Gross 86, fairly oblivious to the shabby fairways and bumpy slow green that plagued most of the rest of the field and bested Bohan (2^nd), Hamm (3^rd), Juliano (4^th) and St George (5^th) to take the victory with a net 68. Only Marc Bohan beat CZACH in Net score on the day and league low handicapper Roger Read was actually a stroke higher.

Art (44) vaulted to the top of the of the Points Chart edging out Don St George (42) in the Race to the Final Four. Historically the early season leader has made it to the finals throughout modern OCAGA History. Vegas* now lists both Czachorowski and St George as prohibitive favorites to be in the finals, almost unprecedented at this stage in the season, as gamblers flock to get in on the action.

POINTS AFTER TWO

• 44        Czachorowski, A
• 42        St George, Don
• 38        Ranucci, Charlie
• 35        Bohan, Marc
• 32        Juliano, Rob
• 31        Hamm, Glenn
• 30        Lazarchick, Mike
• 28        Read, Roger
• 24        Shaw, Scott
• 21        Borillo, Ed
• 17        O’Brien, Mike
• 11        Swanson, Andy
• 9          Buechner, John
• 0          Stocker, Phil

Bruno in the Italian Bistro, could not understand why his boss seemed relatively unnerved by the tournament outcome. Sipping Amaro Averna, the Godfather explained, Big Charlie is in third place and our League Champion, Rob, is in fifth place, “That’s where the smart money is focused.”

SCATS

Art did share the big Handicap SCATS take home with Charlie Ranucci.  March Bohan once again took the lion’s share in the Scratch Category.

NEXT:      RUNNING DEER

OCAGA NEWS Blog Disclaimer: The OCAGA News Blog is not responsible for inaccurately reported information, spelling mistaks or grammaticaly incorrect sentense or paragraphical  contructions  and  will only print stories with permission of the depicted subjects or someone who knows the depicted subject.

Sunny and fairly pleasant, Opening Day on the OCAGA Tour was by far, one of the best in recent history. The size of the gallery was unlike what anyone has ever seen.

Don St George dominated the field on opening day of the OCAGA Tour winning Sand Barrens by 6 strokes over second place finisher Charlie Ranucci.  Posting a sweet 91 on the Scorecard, one of the lowest gross scores on the day, coupled with a 28 handicap, gave Don a net 63.

In an exclusive interview with Mike O’Brien at the Irish Pub the OCAGA Investigative Reporter learned that despite an obvious “nervous” shake during putting, St George was remarkably accurate displaying admirable concentration, oblivious to “Catcalls” from the gallery.  Numerous verbal castigators from the gallery accused  St George of calling in the Lexi Thompson “misplaced ball” a day after the incident leading her to a 4 stroke penalty. Ob was asked for an opinion and he quickly replied, “Absolutely it was not Don! He is a perfectionist and  would have called immediately and most likely was out practicing when the incident occurred!” Adding credence is the fact that Don St George has arguably the strongest work ethic on the tour, known to hit hundreds of ball every day. By finally moving up to the senior tees he has shown he is in the competition for a return trip to the final four.

Of course, we asked about Don’s real age, because of his remarkable health, health which the St George Medical Center is marketing to the public. Their advertisements, perhaps funded by Citizens United,  suggest that Don may actually be well over 90 or 100, which O’Brien did not deny. The Investigative Reporter uncovered a remarkable set of coincidences. The  St George Medical Center in rural, St George, South Carolina, supposedly named after Don, is in a “sister town”   of Abkhazia  which is just north of Georgia proper in the Russian Empire. Abkhazia has one of the highest populations of Centenarians in the world!    You decide!

Meanwhile, Scotty Shawlenski was reelected to the OCAGA Presidency in a landslide vote at the OCAGA Banquet.  He has replaced Phil Stocker as the “Greatest President in the History of the OCAGA Tour. Stocker was unsuccessful in his bid to allow movement in league play up to the forward tees. Some say it is the reason he did not run for another term of office. Shaw, who gives Stocker credit for the idea, made it happen! Of course, the young studs now chant at the Polish American Tavern:

“Scotty Shaw, he’s our Man,

Exuding Presidential Diplomacy, and Remarkable Elan,

yet  willing to share beer with any Fan.”*

       *If you are having difficulty “singing the chant,” drink several large beers.

The Top 6 finishers all played from the forward tees sending the message that they are able to compete with the “low handicap” big hitters. Ed Borillo and Art Czachorowski finished 3^rd and 4^th. OB and LZ finished 5^th and 6^th.

Low Gross score on the day 88 was shared by Big Charlie Ranucci and Young Roger Reed, now sporting the lowest handicap in the league. The English Ale House and the Italian Bistro both had celebration parties starting during the competition.

Mia Bohan returned much to the delight of fans and “most” players. An unconfirmed story at press time was the budding Bruhaha between Club Champion Rob Juliano and Marc Bohan. Supposedly Rob complained that  Mia’s presence gives Marc Bohan support and thus an unfair advantage in competition.  When Rob’s score was posted (98), supposedly Marc, who had to give him 8 strokes in the competition and also a bundle in the league championship last season, flippantly suggested than Rob is padding his handicap.

On a brighter note, The OCAGA News Blog once again won the Sports Illastrated** award for “Best Sports Publication Reporting Exclusively on the OCAGA Tour.”

**Sports Illastrated is a subsidy of Sanctuary Publication which publishes the OCAGA News Blog

Please make sure you update your handicap often by putting your scores into the system on a regular basis.

SCATS:      Roger Reed took 4  ($27.69) in the Handicap Category and 3 ($16.70)  in Scratch to take home the lion’s share of money. To save yourself money the English Ale House will take your $8 and give $5 directly to Roger before each tournament., rather than you paying $10 to play in the SCATS. They will give you the SCAT payoff should you beat Roger in the actual competition.

NEXT:    PINELANDS   May 7^th

OCAGA NEWS Blog Disclaimer: The OCAGA News Blog is not responsible for inaccurately reported information, spelling mistaks or grammaticaly incorrect sentense or paragraphical  contructions  and  will only print stories with permission of the depicted subjects or someone who knows the depicted subject.

Rob Juliano came out the door swinging.  He parred the first three holes making it look easy. He sent soaring drives into the air prompting Marc Bohan to query, “And, I am giving him 8 strokes?”  Feeling his power, Rob retorted, “I am planning on winning this title without those strokes!”  He was beating Lazarchick, head to head by 7 strokes, Bohan by 3 and Shaw by 1. Almost as if the golf gods were listening, he immediately gave back 2 strokes to everybody on the fourth hole. He would finish the front suffering through two more sevens posting a front 46. Lazarchick was clearly “psychologically overwhelmed”  with the power of his competitors, feeling a little chilly, not liking the wind and not winning a hole until number 7. He turned the corner with a disappointing 49. Bohan and Shaw each delivered a 41.

Bruno brought the smiling Godfather another Bellini, made with fresh organic peach puree.  The Godfather told him he liked the kid.  Rob was winning on strokes. He had  Lazarchick and Shaw by 1 and Bohan by 3 at the turn. He has the skill and the confidence to bring home a title. He did win the regular season point total and he was looking sharp on this day.

Possibly in an attempt to get into Juliano’s head, on 10, Shaw offered the idea that holes 11 & 12 often had major significance, “Championships are often won or lost on these next two holes.”    When a golden butterfly landed on Rob’s ball on 11, the Godfather raised his glass in a toast to the clear indication of good fortune.  But, Lazarchick won the hole with his second par on the day. Then on 12, both Scotty and Rob imploded with errant swings and the pressure of mind games, struggling to 8 and 9 respectively. When Lazarchick hit a drive too short to attempt a second shot into the wind over the pond, he laid up and then stuck his 3rd shot, following with a second consecutive par, vaulting into the lead!  On 13 Lazarchick made it three in a row.  Scotty was down 6, Rob down 5 and Marc was down 4.

Champions however, must be ahead after 18 holes. Everybody took back a stroke on 14. Then Lazarchick with a major lapse in concentration, dropped 3 more on 15. The match was not over! With a 4 on 16, Lazarchick lost the lead. Scotty chipped in a Birdie to tie. Marc dropped a par to go ahead by 1.  Rob Birdied after placing the ball less than 3 feet from the pin and was now tied for the lead with Marc. Everybody took a 5 on 17.

The gallery was standing, witnessing one of the most exciting matches in OCAGA history. When Rob’s tee shot on 18 flew the trees far right into the adjacent fairway and Marc pulled the ball strong left towards the out of bounds markers, the door to victory nudged open ever so slightly. Scotty missed his drive sending the ball too close to the trees on the right. Lazarchick cut the center of the fairway, but into the wind he would not be close enough to reach in two. He followed with a straight shot down the middle, still short of the green.

Not a sound was heard in the Polish American Tavern. The Godfather was now standing in the Italian Bistro. Major cheering was about to begin. Scotty Shaw hit a beauty, from under the trees back into play, even with Lazarchick on the fairway. Marc was “in bounds” by inches and was able to send the ball down towards the green on the right side, very impressive. All three would finish with fives.

Rob Juliano surveyed his options. He was so far right he decided his only chance was a blast over the trees towards the green and hopefully find safe landing. Every champion remembers defining shots in the tournament. The Birdie on 16 brought him back to belief. A huge swing, hitting the green in 2 on 18, brought out a roar in the Bistro!

Rob Juliano finished with a short putt for Par. He had overcome adversity, turbulent emotions, feeling of lost opportunity and the fear of an impossible shot,  to beat the best the OCAGA Tour had to offer.  He won the 2016 Championship!

http://ocaga.com/CHAMPIONSHIP2016.pdf

Did you ever have one of those days on the golf course where your confidence took control of the game?  Drives are in the fairways, minor mistakes are erased with superb recovery shots and the putts begin to drop from all distances with increasing regularity.  Your putter is so hot the heat touches your face as you place it back in the bag!!!  You know, days when golf is oh, so very much fun! When you are done, you are reveling in blissful accomplishment. You want to tell people about the magic and almost immediately thoughts about getting back out on the course are creeping into your mind.  Phil Stocker cut 33 strokes from his last tour event, to win Avalon by placing the low gross score of the day,  82,  onto the Scorecard.  Avalon was a clear vindication for the aggressive move instituted by the Shaw administration of offering  a shorter course to the  eldest on the tour or those carrying a heavy handicap.  The Gold tees were over 600 yards shorter than the White.  From the Polish American Tavern and Irish Pub to Norwegian Cruise Line, Shaw is now being heralded as the greatest President in OCAGA History.  No longer are we hearing complaints about not being able to hit long enough drives. When a player is competitive and scores well, the game is really a lot of fun.

Rob Juliano delivered an 83 as did Art Czachorowski.  Art has stated publicly he will not be going back to the white tees.  Shooting his age is now a real possibility. Juliano, still very much in his prime,  gets very accurate when he does not have to take his driver out of the bag and his distance with lessor, easier to hit clubs, made the track a cake walk for him, from the white tees.  Ron finished the Regular Season as the High Point winner 145, edging out current league Champion Scotty Shaw.  Marc Bohan was on his way to his second straight sub 80 round,  repeatedly opting for a lessor club on one of the shortest courses on the tour, when a fall by Mia took him out of the tournament to care for skinned and bruised knees.

Art Czachorowski was lamenting after the tournament that the one he missed cost him a trip to the final four.  He captured the closest to the pin 3 points and caught up to John Buechner  for a regular season,  fifth place tie, just five points behind the Doctor. Yes, LZ held on to the fourth spot in the finals thanks to Phil, Rob, OB, and Don St George finishing ahead of Art Czachorowski , who finished ahead of Ed Borillo, who finished ahead of John Buechner.  LZ was just good enough to squeak into 8^th place after John.  Both John and Art needed the points of first, second or third place.

FINAL  FOUR

145         Juliano, Rob

144         Shaw, Scotty

138         Bohan, Marc

126         Lazarchick, Mike

FINAL POINTS FOR THE REST OF THE TOUR

121         Czachorowski, Art

121         Buechner, John

117         Ranucci, Charles

111         St George

93           Stocker, Phil

81           O’Brien, Mike

80           Hamm, Glenn

65           Borillo, Ed

54           Reed, Roger

51           Swanson, Andy

49           Hunt, Tom

44           Fowler, Chris

43           Chabotar, Glen

9              Marc Pagano

SCATS

SCATMAN OF THE YEAR WAS CHARLIE RANUCCI WITH TOTAL WINNINGS OF    $212.13  ON THE SEASON

• Handicap Scatman of the Year was Charlie Ranucci garnering a total of $146 for the season.
• Scratch Scatman of the Year was Marc Bohan garnering $112.90 during the season.

Championship   and  Hanko Memorial Tournament

GREATE BAY      OCTOBER 2^ND    10:30 AM

Marc Bohan was indeed poetry in motion at Running  Deer.  The gallery was aflutter with “oohs and aahs,” watching fluid, effortless swings send the ball gracefully and ever so accurately to the greens. It was as if the opening double was a clarion call to excellence. Marc parred 2,  then birdies 3,  before a bogey on 4 drew out a slight grimace. A birdie on 5 elicited a smile, but was offset by a bogie on 6. The Doctor took the early lead and Andy Swanson was putting on a show of his own ( the girl scouts screamed double entendre because they think Andy is sexy when he putts). Andy placed two birdies on the Scorecard. Big Charlie was staging a comeback after a shaky start. Undaunted, Marc expanded his putting finesse. Par, Par, Birdie to finish the front,  left would be challengers in the dust. One over par for 9 was his best on the tour this year.  The battle was destined to be be for second place.

Andy Swanson 42 was two better than Scotty Shaw at the turn without looking at handicap. More surprising however was John Buechner’s  46, just two beyond Shaw in raw score and in firm control of the lead.  Meanwhile at the Polish American Tavern, Stanislaw and  Kazimierz started a “brew ha ha”  when they noticed Mia Bohan had a device that looked like a laptop and suggested it was giving Marc an unfair advantage.  Burps ended speculation on electrical waves being sent to his clubs and needed beer refills interrupted their fairly weak focus of attention.

The top five finishers were Bohan, Buechner, Swanson and Shaw followed by Tom Hunt. The doctor was focused on beating Big Charlie and Art Czachorowski to hold on to fourth place, which he did.  However, John Buechner leapfrogged the pack and now is only 6 points out of fourth place.  Depending upon how many show for the finale at Avelon  , the final spot appears to be still be in play.

Top Ten With One to Go

• 136         Shaw, Scott
• 131         Bohan, Mark
• 122         Juliano, Rob
• *****   Below the battle for 4th
• 113         Lazarchick, Mike
• 107         Beuchner, John
• 105         Ranucci, Charles
• 101         Czachorowski, Art
• *****   Below,  mathematically eliminated
• 92           St George, Don
• 80           Hamm, Glen
• 68           Stocker, Phil

Shaw, Bohan and Juliano are most certainly in the final four, especially if they  show up for Avalon. Buechner, Ranucci and Czachorowski are all within striking range if they can deliver a top finish while the others  in contention do not play as well. Lazarchick finished 6^th at Running Deer, 10 points behind second place John Buechner!

Last season Lazarchick played his worst game on the tour in recent memory allowing Scotty Shaw to catch him and take away fourth place, at Avelon May 1015

AVELON    SEPTEMBER  25^th    Tee Time  8:30 am